SeidoTama
by Bubbles's unwilling master
Summary: This is the story of Hiromasa Shinsengumi who was abandoned by her mother and raised by the Shinsengumi. Part of the story belongs to YazziyousDaydreamer since it's her idea too. She bought a Gintama DVD and forced me to watch it with her. When I asked her what would our lives be like in the Gintama universe- This was our answer.
1. Prolouge:Samurai Don't Like How Skanks R

Seidoutama

Prolouge: Samurai Don't Like How Skanks Rear Children

Authors note: Hey, I came up with this idea when my friend made me watch this after she bought the DVD, it sounded dumb. And then. I was in love with it after the first episode. I asked her what would our lives be if we lived there and this was her answer.

I also decided that Sougo was twelve when he joined the Shinsengumi, so that would make Hiromasa three years younger than him.

Also, I spelled everyone's names according to the Gintama Wiki.

Ps. I do not own Gintama or anything affiliated with it. If you want to send me some money for it go for it if it's not illegal I'm a pretty broke college student and part- time Walmart Associate.

Prologue:

 _Approximately 9 years ago…_

It was a gloomy night. Fog covered most of the land, blocking out the pale full moon. There was a chill in the air which was strange for the second month of summer. The samurai compound lay just outside of the city limits on a sprawling piece of land. In the distance, you can start to see the new lights of the invaders Amanto's lights from their strange machines. A very short figure staggered, her threadbare cloak barely sheltering her from the icy breeze that seemed the rip into her flesh and settle down into her bones. The figure fell in front of the gate by the compound unable to go on anymore.

Moments later, a tall man in a navy kimono and hakamas stepped out to go start his patrol on the new city when he noticed a figure slumped over. With a foolish grin but tense body that was ready for a fight, Kondou Isa strolled over to the figure. It was a child! A passed out little girl with limp, curly, brown hair, and a dirt smudged face. Gingerly, he shook her shoulder, in a fruitless effort to rouse her. Fear struck the samurai's heart as he feared the worst. Taking the child in his arms, he brought her into the barracks.

"Oi! Kondou-san you're not skipping out on your job, again are you?" A black-haired man muttered around a tooth pick.

A shorter, younger man—still almost a boy, poked the dark-haired man. "Don't question Kondou, dumbass."

Kondou brushed past his subordinates, ignoring them. "Where's Honda!" the Commander of the Shinsengumi shouted. The samurai lounging around were alarmed by their usually goofy leader's serious demeanor. That was when Hijikata Toshirou and Sougo Okita noticed the child that Kondo was holding.

A very sharp featured man in a red kimono and hakamas strode into the room from the kitchen, having heard the shouting. "Did you hurt yourself again, Kondou?" Honda Riichi adjusted his glasses. His smile quickly faded as he noticed the unconscious girl. Going into doctor mode, Honda ordered his leader to lay her in the infirmary on the first cot.

The infirmary was a large, plain room with several cots, that were thankfully empty besides for one member who had a broken leg after trying out an Amanto vehicle called a "skate board." If there was anything Honda was grateful for the Amanto deciding to come to this planet, was the modern technology. Honda heard of some of the Western world's medicine and he was happy that his country's medicine was better than that! He had heard through the grapevine, that some of those savages thought that cutting an ill person open and letting them bleed would heal them. But the Amanto's technology could save people from diseases and wounds that were formerly fatal.

The child was in bad condition, Honda checked the child's vitals as Kondou explained where he found her. The healer wondered where she came from. _Could her parents have been killed by rogue ronin?_ The bandits have stopped looting as much since the end of the Amanto war. But there is still some lurking around which is why the Shinsengumi has increased its patrols, despite being very recently formed.

But there would time to figure that out later, right now the child needed urgent care. She had a fever, was extremely malnourished and had several gashes— some of which were infected. It was going to be a long night. "Get me a cool cloth, now!" The medic ordered to one of his assistants. He turned to the large group that have gathered in front of the door way. "Get out of here! I need space to do my work." The group of Samurai shrank away. Kondou lingered the longest before eventually fading with the rest. Honda was usually very reserved but he turned domineering when there was a patient to be treated. Pressing the cool cloth against the child's forehead, he murmured reassuringly to her, "It's going to be all right, child."

After the medic stabilized the girl, he left to let her rest. There was not anything more he could do now. When he came back around midnight he found Kondou sitting in the corner watching her sleep, dark circles under his brown eyes. The infirmary was dark, only the now clear moon shinned in as the only light.

A piece of paper clutched in his hairy hand. "You're worried about the girl, Kondou-san." Honda noted. "She'll be fine."

Kondou frowned, murderous hatred glittered in his eyes, as he stroked his goatee. "Read this." Honda swallowed. It was unnatural for the gorilla man to be this serious for such a long time. "I found it in her cloak." Honda took it from him. The note was written in perfect Japanese, with incredibly elegant brush strokes—however one could clearly see origins of madness in its author.

Honda read it out loud.

 _To Whomever finds this whelp,_

 _Her name is Hiromasa. She might be too stupid to tell you. If you want her take her if you want or if not I recommend selling her to the nearest brothel. That was originally my plan but Kenniku decided he wanted to start his vacation early. So, I left her on the road. She's a very dumb, useless, and impolite child, but if you decide to keep her she is good at doing the laundry. I could not stand to keep such an ungrateful child anymore. She kept asking for food even though I fed her an entire bowl of rice every other day. She doesn't appreciate that I am trying to keep her thin so the men will want her. I don't understand why the gods would curse me with such an awful child. Not to mention she ruined my figure by having to carry her for nine months! I was fat for an entire nine months! Ugh._

 _Ps._

 _If she gets mouthy just crack her a couple times with a whip. That usually shuts her up._

 _Sincerely,_

 _C._

Honda's mouth dropped. He could not believe anyone would write this about a child let along their own. He had his suspicions when her kimono was such poor quality and the marks on her back but he did not want to believe it. "What are you going to do with her Kondou-san?" He adjusted his glasses with his finger. "Are you going to give her over to the authorities in the morning?"

Before the Shinsengumi leader could respond, as he opened the door there was a large _crash!_ Hijikata and Sougo fell into the room. Jumping to his feet, Hijikata was yelling at the same time as Sougo was. "She is staying with us." and "You can't hand her over!"

With flames in his eyes Honda dragged both officers by their ears into the hallway. Kondou followed, acting like a civilized human. If the situation had been less grave, Honda might have teased him about how learning manners is impressive for a jungle creature. "My patient is resting!" there a terrifying dark anime shroud around the medic. That disappeared when the men nodded, most would have been shaking in their sandals. But not these two– they were both much too pompous for that. The Shinsengumi officers nodded, grudgingly, they might have argued but they felt badly about almost disturbing the child's healing process.

Kondou pushed their heads together with a crack. "What do you take me for!" he growled, "She's my daughter now." He holds a fist up in the air in a fist pump. "We're going to train her to be a member of the Shinsengumi and fight for justice!" Hijikata cracked his knuckles in a pleased manner and Sougo nodded.

"Now that were finished with that. All of you leave." Honda pushed the men down the hallway. "None of you are going to be any use to her if you die of exhaustion." He said in a much gentler tone.

The next morning Hiromasa stirred, sunlight in her face. "W-where am I?" She mumbled rubbing her eyes. She shifted noticing that she felt better than usual, but still a bit stiff. She thought maybe she had gotten another beating and blacked out– but that did not explain why this room was larger (and cleaner) then her mother's most recent purchase. Then the memories started to flood back at her.

Saiko, a short woman, that was dressed so scantily that she would have make made harlots blush, was driving a rented wagon with a small pony. Hiromasa had been surprised when the wagon stopped on a random alley, almost causing her to lose her balance. The child was perched precariously on the edge of the wagon, because most of it was over flowing with her mom's giant bags of clothes, shoes, jewelry, and a few years' supply of food. Hiromasa's one small bag was at her side. "Mom- did you need to make a rest stop?" Hiromasa inquired.

It was unusual for Saiko to take any breaks when she was meeting up with her foul lover Kenniku—a fat, unpleasant man that drank too much and often beat on Saiko and her child. Hiromasa despised him but, at least he had sent money for her mother and her to move in with him in his family's estate in a foreign country called England, specifically a place called Whitechapel.

It would be nice to get away from the latest rat infested hovel that her mother recently rented, after being kicked out of the last one because Saiko decided that buying herself a new kimono was more important than paying rent. " **Li Xiangjun has one just like it." Saiko giggled to Sakura, a semi pretty, but incredibly trashy woman who one of their neighbors in the most recent slum they called home. If Hiromasa remembered correctly Li-san was one of the famous Courtesans on the mainland, and her mother's current fashion icon. By next week she'll pick another. Secretly Hiromasa wished the Chinese woman was Saiko's role model because at least Li Xiangjun had a taste for the arts, unlike her mother who always laughed at her for having an ambition to draw and learn to play instruments. But** because Saiko often decided to buy frivolous things instead of paying for rent, they were constantly moving from one town to another because the land lords in that area would recognize Saiko and refuse to rent to her. 

**"** **Here's your stop Hiromasa." Saiko twisted her bright painted lips at her offspring.**

 **"** **Wha- But we haven't even left Edo yet?" She mumbled, nervously blinking.**

 **Shaking her head, Saiko sneered, "You didn't really think you would go on living with us, did you?" She laughed. It was not a pleasant laugh; it was more of a nasally, cackling sound. Saiko. always had loved how naïve the whelp was. 'It's like on her birthday she always falls for me telling her about the new, shiny, nice things I "Got her" and she had only gotten her rocks or one of my** **old used ratty tabis** **.'**

 **Hiromasa knew her mother well enough to know that when she laughed it as almost never anything good—at** **not** **for her. "Well… Yes. It's a family home."**

"Ugh. You really think you're good enough to be family?" She snorted. "You're such a dumb whelp. Hopefully this'll teach you not to be such a needy bitch."

The girl tried to fight the tears in her eyes, it was always hard when her mother got like this. She was so upset that she barely noticed when Saiko pinned a note to her cloak. Hiromasa wondered what she had done wrong now. Her mom was in such a good mood this morning, she even let Hiromasa have a dumpling for breakfast. ' _What could I have possibly done now?'_

Growing bored of watching the child's suffering, Saiko stood up, wobbling from how high the heels on her new shoes were. She still was not used to them; she had only recently discovered "Stilettos" Some of the other Amanto brought them from their home planet. She was upset that her mother raised her on a planet without such great things like that. ' _That reminds me… I need to phone mom tonight and ask for money for the breast implant surgery. That woman owes me that much at least.'_ Saiko felt a rush of annoyance at Hiromasa for keeping her so long. With an easy push, Hiromasa tumbled off the cart.

She fell to the ground, thumping the back of her head on the dirty ground. As soon as she could, the child stood up, cringing from the pain, but just as quickly the small horse started to trot away after receiving a sharp crack with the whip her mother was holding.

"Mom! Wait! Please! I'm sorry!" For a heartbeat, she had stood frozen, sure that her mother would stop. _'This is another one of her pranks, right?'_ Then when Saiko never pulled over, she knew it was not. Chasing after Saiko as fast as her little legs could carry her, Hiromasa ran until she tripped and fell a drunkard passed out on the side of the street. A very polite child, she bowed and apologized, but he never stirred. Covering her nose with her hand, Hiromasa shook her head. There was a pungent smell of booze and urine that seemed to cloud around the man. Hurrying away as had no time for a proper apology she had to get back to the rented cart so she would not be left alone. However, it was too late the cart carrying everything Hiromasa ever knew was now gone and she had no idea which way it had gone.

Now she was lost in Edo, a gigantic city, where most Amanto have settled. From what Hiromasa, had read, it was a large village, the capital of Japan. So, it made sense that a large portion of Amanto had settle there and turned it into one of their cities. So even though a large chunk is still under construction– it was a sprawling city and Hiromasa had only seen a small portion of it, not only that but she had absolutely no sense of direction and was scared. She kept hoping she would spot her mom, or something familiar as she spent the day searching. After a while she at least hoped to find Sakura, even though she wasn't the greatest, she was a familiar face, and Hiromasa hoped she could help her find her mom.

Around sunset, she came upon an Amanto girl around her age in one of the markets. Hiromasa thought maybe could find Sakura there she often frequented bars like these according to her stories. She didn't find her old neighbor, but she did find a strange, little girl at one of the stalls that sold sake. She seemed to be with an older woman who was drinking there. She played with her doll, until she noticed Hiromasa. "Hello, I'm Zogehirohana Imako. Who are you?" She bowed in greeting, "You can just call me, Imako- Though!" Hiromasa thought she must be an Amanto because she didn't look Japanese at all, with brown skin and super fluffy black hair. But the woman she appeared to be with looked like a normal elderly Japanese woman, except for the string of curse words that continuously flew from her lips. The woman barely noticed when Imako broke away to talk to the other child. The girls spoke for a few moments before the elderly woman stood up and growled at the other girl to come along, because she other things to do. Before leaving, Imako handed Hiromasa her anpan that her grandfather had gotten her before he went home because he was tired from work.

"I was saving it for after supper, but you look hungry. See you, later." Imako turned to look back one more time, as her grandmother dragged her along. "I hope you find your mum. Maybe the Shinsengumi could help." Hiromasa waved good bye at her new friend, until she was out of sight. Scarfing down the delicious red bean bread, she hoped they would meet again one day.

Then everything went back to being awful as night neared and Hiromasa was too scared to keep walking anymore. She found a bench near and alley and sat down on it. Just when she got comfortable several of the stray Nekoyaban, pounced on her scratching, hissing and biting. They came from out of nowhere. They were not quite like cats from Earth. Their furs were blues, greens and purples, and were as large as a dog some of them. One was bigger than the rest— almost taller than she was, with blue and green spikes on it long tail was particularly aggressive towards her. "Mrrow!" It hissed at her and it had chased Hiromasa and had got several scratches on her, as it chased for a couple blocks before it got bored.

She eventually made it to what looked like a large compound but it was hard to tell because she had so much blood dripping into her eyes from the scratches. That was when everything had gone black.

Hiromasa noticed she was not in the kimono her mother had given her. She only noticed because it was not so itchy. This one was a lot nicer, like the ones her grandmother often sent her before her mom sold them so Saiko could buy herself nicer things and returned with things made from rice sacks and other incredibly cheap clothes that even beggars would be embarrassed to wear. But this was a nice white kimono and soft hakamas. She liked these pajamas. Suddenly she started shaking, it was a strange room with other beds. Fear shook her heart. _What_ is this place? _How_ did I end up here? _Who_ changed my clothes?

"You're awake!" Kondou yelled happily, hugging her. Terrifying the girl further. Waking up in a strange place, then a weirdo hugging her—who would not have been scared? For a second Hiromasa thought maybe her mom had finally sold her to the brothel as she had always threatened.

Kondou let go when she started hitting him as hard as she can. He was surprised at the strength of a maybe five-year-old child. Jumping up and running away she was half way out the sliding door—that was left open for the breeze. Suddenly a pair of strong arms picked her up. "Oi! You have an escapee." Hijikata yelled. "C'mon kid. You're safe here." He mumbled, accidently blowing smoke in her face. He had discovered cigarettes on today's patrol near an Amanto market.

The dark-haired, samurai set the child down on the bed again, while she coughed. Hirosmasa grimaced at the reeking smoke. Meanwhile the fearless Shinsengumi leader was sobbing like a little boy who spilled his ice cream cone, "W-why would my child run away from her daddy."

A sharp slap came to the back of his head, "You shouldn't scare children like that." A grumpy Sougo said, staring dully at him with crimson eyes.

"Kondou-san, her breakfast is ready." Yamazaki Sagaru came in with a large tray with rice, salmon and avocados.

Hiromasa slowly sat back down on the bed. She figured out she was not at a brothel, but she still was not sure where she was but she seemed to be safe even though these men were weird. "Thank you." She mumbled hesitantly accepting the bowl Yamazaki offered, as if she expected him to suddenly slap it out of her hands the way her mother often did. She was so thankful as she scarfed it down, ignoring her chopsticks and used her hands as shovels as rice flew everywhere from how quickly she was eating.

Hearing that their guest was awake, the Shinsengumi members that weren't on duty or visiting their families, or out in town, gathered into the infirmiry and kneeled on the mats looking forward to seeing the child.

Kondou eventually stopped his crying and joined Hijikata and Yamazaki in watching her eat. Half-starved men did not even eat with that kind of desperation. They wondered what horrors such awfully young child could have endured.

Striding over, the lieutenant knocked Hiromasa on the head. "Hey, you shouldn't eat that fast! You'll choke." Then as she was swallowing since she started choking on her food. With slightly widened eyes, Sougo patted her back as she choked on her rice. Alarmed, the officers surrounded her to make sure she is alright. Hiromasa kept spewing rice and she tried to breathe again.

Flying across the room, after a punch from Kondou, Sougo plugged his bloody nose. "Baka! Are you trying to kill her?!" Kondou shouted. As soon as she recovered, she started scarfing her food again.

Sougo smirked as he looked in her bowl, for not liking the vegetable she sure licked the bowl clean. Yamazaki took the tray and brought it into the kitchen. They waited until she was finished eating to start asking her questions. "I take it you like avocados and rice a lot?" The child shook her head, "No not really. I hate avocados." She mumbled.

"Thank you for your help." She stood, and clumsily bowed.

The men would have none of that. Honda quickly waved her off, and explained it was their duty. "I came here, in hopes you could help me find my mom?" She inquired.

At the mention of the child's mother, Hijikata's hand went instinctually towards the sword at his side, Kondou interfered before he could say anything that might scare the child. "Well… um…"

"Your mom wasn't the best place for you… instead…" Honda explained what his leader was thinking.

The Shinsengumi officers kneeled closer to Hiromasa, besides Hijikata who preferred leaning against the wall. They brought the child over and explained that there were two options for her—once she was healed up she would be sent to the train station and put on the orphan train, a train that went across Japan carrying loads of orphans in order to find homes for them, until she found a family that wanted her. Or she could stay with them and be a member of the Shinsengumi with three square meals a day, her own bed roll, and the responsibility of keeping Edo safe.

Hiromasa tilted her head, watching the men watching her. The big hairy man, everyone kept addressing as a gorilla was on his knees with big eyes. She thought it was weird that they thought he was a gorilla. She knew what a gorilla looked like, as she had read about them in some of the books in the library the couple of times her mother threw her out of the house because she had several male callers over and did not want Hiromasa to get in the way. The dark haired one had a mean expression on his face, but he did not give off any malevolent vibes and the other boy was close to her age. He seemed okay, if kind of a jerk. She was in away relieved to not go back to her mother. But she was now faced with an uncertain future depending on which path she chose for herself. Is she choose the Shinsengumi she would be surrounded by family, and learn how to fight with a real sword! Plus, she would at least get three meals a day here, and clean clothes as needed…

At the same time, she had never been on a train and she did not know these men. She does like to try new things and Edo is not a very nice city, especially since they have these scary monsters and Amanto everywhere. All kinds of them, ones that look like people but with animal ears, strange colored skin, and all kinds of abnormalities. She thought it might be different in other parts of the world. Maybe she could find her grandmother—Hiromasa had often heard her mother speak to her grandmother on the phone and she often sent Hiromasa and Saiko expensive gifts, that Saiko almost immediately sold for sake.

Hiromasa thought about if for several heart beats. Kondou was certain she would choose him, after all he would be a wonderful father. In his head, he already had a movie real going off Hiromasa, in a pretty dress as he took walks with her, as he taught her how to wield a sword. The first time she won a sparring competition. Taking her shopping for her coming out party. Then as he picked put her wedding dress. Then as he held her first born child. Kondou was in tears as he pictured how beautiful his grandchild was.

The other two were not as certain, she was a child and a girl at that this probably would not a female's first choice.

A few more moments of silence passed before Hiromasa stood up on her feet, albeit a bit wobbly. "I- I guess I could stay with you guys." At first none of them moved, they were all hocked then the child was swarmed in a group hug as the other thirty-six members swarmed in and turned it into a group hug.

"She chose us!"

"Yes, we are awesome!"

"Yes! I've always wanted a niece!"

"I'm going to be such a great father!"

Hiromasa did not particularly like how many people were crowded around her and for a moment she wondered if she should have chosen the other option, but then she just settles into the hug and let herself enjoy it—after all it's been a while since she was showed affection.

When everyone finally let go, brought up a rather important topic. "Well, what should we name her?"

Hiromasa quirked an eyebrow, "I have a name. It's Hiromasa."

Kondou shook his head. "No we meant your last name. Since I'm adopting you, you should clearly take Kondou as your last name."

This immediately resulted in a fight. Sougo, pushed him aside to stand in front of Hiromasa. "She's going to be my other sister. Therefore, her name is Okita."

Several other members offered their last names as options. Finally, the Honda spoke up. "Guys. She is five years old. Let her chose for herself. It will also help her adjust."

Hiromasa wrinkled her nose at him. "I'm eight, sir." Everyone's eyes widened at this revelation. She was so small and thin. Could she only be two years younger than Sougo? Honda was further alarmed at this girl's background story. She must have been severely maltreated her entire life to be this small. He had read the note but he had thought that perhaps this treatment was a more recent thing. "Also, I don't really care" She sighed. "No offense." She added quickly, lest they hit her for being mouthy. It was going to take the child a while to get rid of the fear of being beaten.

"Ha! I'm still older. You must now address me as Senpai." Sougo flicked her in the nose. "You would've had to anyway. Since I was a member first."

"So, this means she gets my last name, right?" Tadashi spoke up only to have a fist smashed into his head by several of the other members. "No! You weren't even a part of Kondou's Dojo."

 _'_ _I wonder if it's too late to change my mind.'_ Hiromasa shoved his hand away from her face. Around her the men stood in a huddle in the center of the infirmary. Ignoring them, she stood up again and started stretching. It has been a while since she felt so good. As she started to walk towards the open doorway when suddenly Yamazaki suddenly came running in past her, with a simple black cap. "I've it!" His black eyes were filled with anime sparkles. "Anyone who wants Hiromasa to have his last name will put it on a piece of paper and Kondou-san will draw a name out of the hat, and that'll be her last name.

Ignoring them, as she saw some books on the other end of the room that she went to check out. Two novels had been thrown hap hazardously onto the small table by the doorway that led into compound. Also on the desk were several scrolls, a few brushes and a small bowl of ink. She read the summary of the books; one was a mystery novel, and the other was a book on local herbs in Japan.

Meanwhile, the samurai excitedly scribbled their sir names on the paper, some were more visible excited than other. Hijikata wrote so aggressively that he had to use a new scrap of paper. Sougo then took that scrap under the guise of handing it to Yamazaki but purposely let it blow out into the wind. As he aggressively wrote on yet another, Kondou snatched it from Hijikata before Sougo could blow it up with the bazooka that he was now holding. Hanging his head, the first division lieutenant set the weapon aside for another time. "Are all of the names in the hat?" Kondou asked his men, after receiving the proper affirmations. Shaking around the paper in the hat, Kondou pulled one out at random. He thought he heard a tearing noise in the hat but ignored it. The samurai were dead silent as they waited for the conclusion of whose name their new child/ sister/niece would take. Even the wind seemed to be holding its breath. The only noise was a flutter of pages.

"Hiromasa's last name is…" Yamazaki provided Kondou a drum roll with his bowl of now empty anpan which he had turned upside down. The commander took a breath, before reading. "Property of the Shinsengumi…."

There were mutterings of confusion. Who had put that in there they all wondered. Hijikata took the paper and looked it over. It was the tag in the hat. Yamazaki had taken it on his last mission, and in case Yamazaki lost the it, Matsudaira had written it in the hat because they did not have a large disguise budget. A discussion followed on whether there should be a redraw. Before Kondou should his head, "No. It's fate. She's meant to belong with us." He sighed, happily. Hiromasa wondered over, curious as to what the commotion was about this time, and she was once again picked up in someone's arms. Kondo swung her around in a happy twirl—anime flowers and hearts appeared all around him in his bliss. "You're Hiromasa Shinsengumi, now." When he finally set her down she scowled at him, which everyone just found adorable. "Is it too late to get a ticket for that train?" Patting her head with a large, pale and roughened hand, Hijikata grinned. "Yep. Your stuck with us, kid." Twisting her lips, Hiromasa was certain that she had made a bad decision in deciding to stay…. _'Well since I am already here… Might as well enjoy it.'_ But she could not help the thought at the back of her head wondering what she had gotten into when they enveloped her into a group hug. Authors note: I'm hoping I kept them in character well enough, I kind of wanted it to flow like an episode of Gintama. Please review, like and favorite. This story was originally called Kinirotama, so Gold Soul but then Yazziyousdaydreamer pointed out that it can be confused with testicles and I did not want that so here we are at bronze. Like Gintama, my characters are also based off real people—except Honda, I had Hattori from Fruit's Basket in mind when I created him, particularly in looks. Oh, and neither was Tadashi though I did base him off a couple of the boys at my former high school. Hiromasa is based on Yazziyou daydreamer, and some of the stuff mentioned happened to her in real life. Imako is based off me. Saiko is based off Yazziyou's mother. And my grandmother was based off my real grandmother. I tried to incorporate some history and things in my story, hopefully it went well. Here's some info about the people and places I mentioned: *Whitechapel is one of the slums in Victorian England. * **Li Xiangjun was a famous Chinese Courtesan at some point. She was known for playing the Chinese lute and a few other things.**

Seidoutama

Prolouge: Samurai Don't Like How Skanks Rear Children

Authors note: Hey, I came up with this idea when my friend made me watch this after she bought the DVD, it sounded dumb. And then. I was in love with it after the first episode. I asked her what would our lives be if we lived there and this was her answer.

I also decided that Sougo was twelve when he joined the Shinsengumi, so that would make Hiromasa three years younger than him.

Also, I spelled everyone's names according to the Gintama Wiki.

Ps. I do not own Gintama or anything affiliated with it. If you want to send me some money for it go for it if it's not illegal I'm a pretty broke college student and part- time Walmart Associate.

Prologue:

 _Approximately 9 years ago…_

It was a gloomy night. Fog covered most of the land, blocking out the pale full moon. There was a chill in the air which was strange for the second month of summer. The samurai compound lay just outside of the city limits on a sprawling piece of land. In the distance, you can start to see the new lights of the invaders Amanto's lights from their strange machines. A very short figure staggered, her threadbare cloak barely sheltering her from the icy breeze that seemed the rip into her flesh and settle down into her bones. The figure fell in front of the gate by the compound unable to go on anymore.

Moments later, a tall man in a navy kimono and hakamas stepped out to go start his patrol on the new city when he noticed a figure slumped over. With a foolish grin but tense body that was ready for a fight, Kondou Isa strolled over to the figure. It was a child! A passed out little girl with limp, curly, brown hair, and a dirt smudged face. Gingerly, he shook her shoulder, in a fruitless effort to rouse her. Fear struck the samurai's heart as he feared the worst. Taking the child in his arms, he brought her into the barracks.

"Oi! Kondou-san you're not skipping out on your job, again are you?" A black-haired man muttered around a tooth pick.

A shorter, younger man—still almost a boy, poked the dark-haired man. "Don't question Kondou, dumbass."

Kondou brushed past his subordinates, ignoring them. "Where's Honda!" the Commander of the Shinsengumi shouted. The samurai lounging around were alarmed by their usually goofy leader's serious demeanor. That was when Hijikata Toshirou and Sougo Okita noticed the child that Kondo was holding.

A very sharp featured man in a red kimono and hakamas strode into the room from the kitchen, having heard the shouting. "Did you hurt yourself again, Kondou?" Honda Riichi adjusted his glasses. His smile quickly faded as he noticed the unconscious girl. Going into doctor mode, Honda ordered his leader to lay her in the infirmary on the first cot.

The infirmary was a large, plain room with several cots, that were thankfully empty besides for one member who had a broken leg after trying out an Amanto vehicle called a "skate board." If there was anything Honda was grateful for the Amanto deciding to come to this planet, was the modern technology. Honda heard of some of the Western world's medicine and he was happy that his country's medicine was better than that! He had heard through the grapevine, that some of those savages thought that cutting an ill person open and letting them bleed would heal them. But the Amanto's technology could save people from diseases and wounds that were formerly fatal.

The child was in bad condition, Honda checked the child's vitals as Kondou explained where he found her. The healer wondered where she came from. _Could her parents have been killed by rogue ronin?_ The bandits have stopped looting as much since the end of the Amanto war. But there is still some lurking around which is why the Shinsengumi has increased its patrols, despite being very recently formed.

But there would time to figure that out later, right now the child needed urgent care. She had a fever, was extremely malnourished and had several gashes— some of which were infected. It was going to be a long night. "Get me a cool cloth, now!" The medic ordered to one of his assistants. He turned to the large group that have gathered in front of the door way. "Get out of here! I need space to do my work." The group of Samurai shrank away. Kondou lingered the longest before eventually fading with the rest. Honda was usually very reserved but he turned domineering when there was a patient to be treated. Pressing the cool cloth against the child's forehead, he murmured reassuringly to her, "It's going to be all right, child."

After the medic stabilized the girl, he left to let her rest. There was not anything more he could do now. When he came back around midnight he found Kondou sitting in the corner watching her sleep, dark circles under his brown eyes. The infirmary was dark, only the now clear moon shinned in as the only light.

A piece of paper clutched in his hairy hand. "You're worried about the girl, Kondou-san." Honda noted. "She'll be fine."

Kondou frowned, murderous hatred glittered in his eyes, as he stroked his goatee. "Read this." Honda swallowed. It was unnatural for the gorilla man to be this serious for such a long time. "I found it in her cloak." Honda took it from him. The note was written in perfect Japanese, with incredibly elegant brush strokes—however one could clearly see origins of madness in its author.

Honda read it out loud.

 _To Whomever finds this whelp,_

 _Her name is Hiromasa. She might be too stupid to tell you. If you want her take her if you want or if not I recommend selling her to the nearest brothel. That was originally my plan but Kenniku decided he wanted to start his vacation early. So, I left her on the road. She's a very dumb, useless, and impolite child, but if you decide to keep her she is good at doing the laundry. I could not stand to keep such an ungrateful child anymore. She kept asking for food even though I fed her an entire bowl of rice every other day. She doesn't appreciate that I am trying to keep her thin so the men will want her. I don't understand why the gods would curse me with such an awful child. Not to mention she ruined my figure by having to carry her for nine months! I was fat for an entire nine months! Ugh._

 _Ps._

 _If she gets mouthy just crack her a couple times with a whip. That usually shuts her up._

 _Sincerely,_

 _C._

Honda's mouth dropped. He could not believe anyone would write this about a child let along their own. He had his suspicions when her kimono was such poor quality and the marks on her back but he did not want to believe it. "What are you going to do with her Kondou-san?" He adjusted his glasses with his finger. "Are you going to give her over to the authorities in the morning?"

Before the Shinsengumi leader could respond, as he opened the door there was a large _crash!_ Hijikata and Sougo fell into the room. Jumping to his feet, Hijikata was yelling at the same time as Sougo was. "She is staying with us." and "You can't hand her over!"

With flames in his eyes Honda dragged both officers by their ears into the hallway. Kondou followed, acting like a civilized human. If the situation had been less grave, Honda might have teased him about how learning manners is impressive for a jungle creature. "My patient is resting!" there a terrifying dark anime shroud around the medic. That disappeared when the men nodded, most would have been shaking in their sandals. But not these two– they were both much too pompous for that. The Shinsengumi officers nodded, grudgingly, they might have argued but they felt badly about almost disturbing the child's healing process.

Kondou pushed their heads together with a crack. "What do you take me for!" he growled, "She's my daughter now." He holds a fist up in the air in a fist pump. "We're going to train her to be a member of the Shinsengumi and fight for justice!" Hijikata cracked his knuckles in a pleased manner and Sougo nodded.

"Now that were finished with that. All of you leave." Honda pushed the men down the hallway. "None of you are going to be any use to her if you die of exhaustion." He said in a much gentler tone.

The next morning Hiromasa stirred, sunlight in her face. "W-where am I?" She mumbled rubbing her eyes. She shifted noticing that she felt better than usual, but still a bit stiff. She thought maybe she had gotten another beating and blacked out– but that did not explain why this room was larger (and cleaner) then her mother's most recent purchase. Then the memories started to flood back at her.

Saiko, a short woman, that was dressed so scantily that she would have make made harlots blush, was driving a rented wagon with a small pony. Hiromasa had been surprised when the wagon stopped on a random alley, almost causing her to lose her balance. The child was perched precariously on the edge of the wagon, because most of it was over flowing with her mom's giant bags of clothes, shoes, jewelry, and a few years' supply of food. Hiromasa's one small bag was at her side. "Mom- did you need to make a rest stop?" Hiromasa inquired.

It was unusual for Saiko to take any breaks when she was meeting up with her foul lover Kenniku—a fat, unpleasant man that drank too much and often beat on Saiko and her child. Hiromasa despised him but, at least he had sent money for her mother and her to move in with him in his family's estate in a foreign country called England, specifically a place called Whitechapel.

It would be nice to get away from the latest rat infested hovel that her mother recently rented, after being kicked out of the last one because Saiko decided that buying herself a new kimono was more important than paying rent. " **Li Xiangjun has one just like it." Saiko giggled to Sakura, a semi pretty, but incredibly trashy woman who one of their neighbors in the most recent slum they called home. If Hiromasa remembered correctly Li-san was one of the famous Courtesans on the mainland, and her mother's current fashion icon. By next week she'll pick another. Secretly Hiromasa wished the Chinese woman was Saiko's role model because at least Li Xiangjun had a taste for the arts, unlike her mother who always laughed at her for having an ambition to draw and learn to play instruments. But** because Saiko often decided to buy frivolous things instead of paying for rent, they were constantly moving from one town to another because the land lords in that area would recognize Saiko and refuse to rent to her. 

**"** **Here's your stop Hiromasa." Saiko twisted her bright painted lips at her offspring.**

 **"** **Wha- But we haven't even left Edo yet?" She mumbled, nervously blinking.**

 **Shaking her head, Saiko sneered, "You didn't really think you would go on living with us, did you?" She laughed. It was not a pleasant laugh; it was more of a nasally, cackling sound. Saiko. always had loved how naïve the whelp was. 'It's like on her birthday she always falls for me telling her about the new, shiny, nice things I "Got her" and she had only gotten her rocks or one of my** **old used ratty tabis** **.'**

 **Hiromasa knew her mother well enough to know that when she laughed it as almost never anything good—at** **not** **for her. "Well… Yes. It's a family home."**

"Ugh. You really think you're good enough to be family?" She snorted. "You're such a dumb whelp. Hopefully this'll teach you not to be such a needy bitch."

The girl tried to fight the tears in her eyes, it was always hard when her mother got like this. She was so upset that she barely noticed when Saiko pinned a note to her cloak. Hiromasa wondered what she had done wrong now. Her mom was in such a good mood this morning, she even let Hiromasa have a dumpling for breakfast. ' _What could I have possibly done now?'_

Growing bored of watching the child's suffering, Saiko stood up, wobbling from how high the heels on her new shoes were. She still was not used to them; she had only recently discovered "Stilettos" Some of the other Amanto brought them from their home planet. She was upset that her mother raised her on a planet without such great things like that. ' _That reminds me… I need to phone mom tonight and ask for money for the breast implant surgery. That woman owes me that much at least.'_ Saiko felt a rush of annoyance at Hiromasa for keeping her so long. With an easy push, Hiromasa tumbled off the cart.

She fell to the ground, thumping the back of her head on the dirty ground. As soon as she could, the child stood up, cringing from the pain, but just as quickly the small horse started to trot away after receiving a sharp crack with the whip her mother was holding.

"Mom! Wait! Please! I'm sorry!" For a heartbeat, she had stood frozen, sure that her mother would stop. _'This is another one of her pranks, right?'_ Then when Saiko never pulled over, she knew it was not. Chasing after Saiko as fast as her little legs could carry her, Hiromasa ran until she tripped and fell a drunkard passed out on the side of the street. A very polite child, she bowed and apologized, but he never stirred. Covering her nose with her hand, Hiromasa shook her head. There was a pungent smell of booze and urine that seemed to cloud around the man. Hurrying away as had no time for a proper apology she had to get back to the rented cart so she would not be left alone. However, it was too late the cart carrying everything Hiromasa ever knew was now gone and she had no idea which way it had gone.

Now she was lost in Edo, a gigantic city, where most Amanto have settled. From what Hiromasa, had read, it was a large village, the capital of Japan. So, it made sense that a large portion of Amanto had settle there and turned it into one of their cities. So even though a large chunk is still under construction– it was a sprawling city and Hiromasa had only seen a small portion of it, not only that but she had absolutely no sense of direction and was scared. She kept hoping she would spot her mom, or something familiar as she spent the day searching. After a while she at least hoped to find Sakura, even though she wasn't the greatest, she was a familiar face, and Hiromasa hoped she could help her find her mom.

Around sunset, she came upon an Amanto girl around her age in one of the markets. Hiromasa thought maybe could find Sakura there she often frequented bars like these according to her stories. She didn't find her old neighbor, but she did find a strange, little girl at one of the stalls that sold sake. She seemed to be with an older woman who was drinking there. She played with her doll, until she noticed Hiromasa. "Hello, I'm Zogehirohana Imako. Who are you?" She bowed in greeting, "You can just call me, Imako- Though!" Hiromasa thought she must be an Amanto because she didn't look Japanese at all, with brown skin and super fluffy black hair. But the woman she appeared to be with looked like a normal elderly Japanese woman, except for the string of curse words that continuously flew from her lips. The woman barely noticed when Imako broke away to talk to the other child. The girls spoke for a few moments before the elderly woman stood up and growled at the other girl to come along, because she other things to do. Before leaving, Imako handed Hiromasa her anpan that her grandfather had gotten her before he went home because he was tired from work.

"I was saving it for after supper, but you look hungry. See you, later." Imako turned to look back one more time, as her grandmother dragged her along. "I hope you find your mum. Maybe the Shinsengumi could help." Hiromasa waved good bye at her new friend, until she was out of sight. Scarfing down the delicious red bean bread, she hoped they would meet again one day.

Then everything went back to being awful as night neared and Hiromasa was too scared to keep walking anymore. She found a bench near and alley and sat down on it. Just when she got comfortable several of the stray Nekoyaban, pounced on her scratching, hissing and biting. They came from out of nowhere. They were not quite like cats from Earth. Their furs were blues, greens and purples, and were as large as a dog some of them. One was bigger than the rest— almost taller than she was, with blue and green spikes on it long tail was particularly aggressive towards her. "Mrrow!" It hissed at her and it had chased Hiromasa and had got several scratches on her, as it chased for a couple blocks before it got bored.

She eventually made it to what looked like a large compound but it was hard to tell because she had so much blood dripping into her eyes from the scratches. That was when everything had gone black.

Hiromasa noticed she was not in the kimono her mother had given her. She only noticed because it was not so itchy. This one was a lot nicer, like the ones her grandmother often sent her before her mom sold them so Saiko could buy herself nicer things and returned with things made from rice sacks and other incredibly cheap clothes that even beggars would be embarrassed to wear. But this was a nice white kimono and soft hakamas. She liked these pajamas. Suddenly she started shaking, it was a strange room with other beds. Fear shook her heart. _What_ is this place? _How_ did I end up here? _Who_ changed my clothes?

"You're awake!" Kondou yelled happily, hugging her. Terrifying the girl further. Waking up in a strange place, then a weirdo hugging her—who would not have been scared? For a second Hiromasa thought maybe her mom had finally sold her to the brothel as she had always threatened.

Kondou let go when she started hitting him as hard as she can. He was surprised at the strength of a maybe five-year-old child. Jumping up and running away she was half way out the sliding door—that was left open for the breeze. Suddenly a pair of strong arms picked her up. "Oi! You have an escapee." Hijikata yelled. "C'mon kid. You're safe here." He mumbled, accidently blowing smoke in her face. He had discovered cigarettes on today's patrol near an Amanto market.

The dark-haired, samurai set the child down on the bed again, while she coughed. Hirosmasa grimaced at the reeking smoke. Meanwhile the fearless Shinsengumi leader was sobbing like a little boy who spilled his ice cream cone, "W-why would my child run away from her daddy."

A sharp slap came to the back of his head, "You shouldn't scare children like that." A grumpy Sougo said, staring dully at him with crimson eyes.

"Kondou-san, her breakfast is ready." Yamazaki Sagaru came in with a large tray with rice, salmon and avocados.

Hiromasa slowly sat back down on the bed. She figured out she was not at a brothel, but she still was not sure where she was but she seemed to be safe even though these men were weird. "Thank you." She mumbled hesitantly accepting the bowl Yamazaki offered, as if she expected him to suddenly slap it out of her hands the way her mother often did. She was so thankful as she scarfed it down, ignoring her chopsticks and used her hands as shovels as rice flew everywhere from how quickly she was eating.

Hearing that their guest was awake, the Shinsengumi members that weren't on duty or visiting their families, or out in town, gathered into the infirmiry and kneeled on the mats looking forward to seeing the child.

Kondou eventually stopped his crying and joined Hijikata and Yamazaki in watching her eat. Half-starved men did not even eat with that kind of desperation. They wondered what horrors such awfully young child could have endured.

Striding over, the lieutenant knocked Hiromasa on the head. "Hey, you shouldn't eat that fast! You'll choke." Then as she was swallowing since she started choking on her food. With slightly widened eyes, Sougo patted her back as she choked on her rice. Alarmed, the officers surrounded her to make sure she is alright. Hiromasa kept spewing rice and she tried to breathe again.

Flying across the room, after a punch from Kondou, Sougo plugged his bloody nose. "Baka! Are you trying to kill her?!" Kondou shouted. As soon as she recovered, she started scarfing her food again.

Sougo smirked as he looked in her bowl, for not liking the vegetable she sure licked the bowl clean. Yamazaki took the tray and brought it into the kitchen. They waited until she was finished eating to start asking her questions. "I take it you like avocados and rice a lot?" The child shook her head, "No not really. I hate avocados." She mumbled.

"Thank you for your help." She stood, and clumsily bowed.

The men would have none of that. Honda quickly waved her off, and explained it was their duty. "I came here, in hopes you could help me find my mom?" She inquired.

At the mention of the child's mother, Hijikata's hand went instinctually towards the sword at his side, Kondou interfered before he could say anything that might scare the child. "Well… um…"

"Your mom wasn't the best place for you… instead…" Honda explained what his leader was thinking.

The Shinsengumi officers kneeled closer to Hiromasa, besides Hijikata who preferred leaning against the wall. They brought the child over and explained that there were two options for her—once she was healed up she would be sent to the train station and put on the orphan train, a train that went across Japan carrying loads of orphans in order to find homes for them, until she found a family that wanted her. Or she could stay with them and be a member of the Shinsengumi with three square meals a day, her own bed roll, and the responsibility of keeping Edo safe.

Hiromasa tilted her head, watching the men watching her. The big hairy man, everyone kept addressing as a gorilla was on his knees with big eyes. She thought it was weird that they thought he was a gorilla. She knew what a gorilla looked like, as she had read about them in some of the books in the library the couple of times her mother threw her out of the house because she had several male callers over and did not want Hiromasa to get in the way. The dark haired one had a mean expression on his face, but he did not give off any malevolent vibes and the other boy was close to her age. He seemed okay, if kind of a jerk. She was in away relieved to not go back to her mother. But she was now faced with an uncertain future depending on which path she chose for herself. Is she choose the Shinsengumi she would be surrounded by family, and learn how to fight with a real sword! Plus, she would at least get three meals a day here, and clean clothes as needed…

At the same time, she had never been on a train and she did not know these men. She does like to try new things and Edo is not a very nice city, especially since they have these scary monsters and Amanto everywhere. All kinds of them, ones that look like people but with animal ears, strange colored skin, and all kinds of abnormalities. She thought it might be different in other parts of the world. Maybe she could find her grandmother—Hiromasa had often heard her mother speak to her grandmother on the phone and she often sent Hiromasa and Saiko expensive gifts, that Saiko almost immediately sold for sake.

Hiromasa thought about if for several heart beats. Kondou was certain she would choose him, after all he would be a wonderful father. In his head, he already had a movie real going off Hiromasa, in a pretty dress as he took walks with her, as he taught her how to wield a sword. The first time she won a sparring competition. Taking her shopping for her coming out party. Then as he picked put her wedding dress. Then as he held her first born child. Kondou was in tears as he pictured how beautiful his grandchild was.

The other two were not as certain, she was a child and a girl at that this probably would not a female's first choice.

A few more moments of silence passed before Hiromasa stood up on her feet, albeit a bit wobbly. "I- I guess I could stay with you guys." At first none of them moved, they were all hocked then the child was swarmed in a group hug as the other thirty-six members swarmed in and turned it into a group hug.

"She chose us!"

"Yes, we are awesome!"

"Yes! I've always wanted a niece!"

"I'm going to be such a great father!"

Hiromasa did not particularly like how many people were crowded around her and for a moment she wondered if she should have chosen the other option, but then she just settles into the hug and let herself enjoy it—after all it's been a while since she was showed affection.

When everyone finally let go, brought up a rather important topic. "Well, what should we name her?"

Hiromasa quirked an eyebrow, "I have a name. It's Hiromasa."

Kondou shook his head. "No we meant your last name. Since I'm adopting you, you should clearly take Kondou as your last name."

This immediately resulted in a fight. Sougo, pushed him aside to stand in front of Hiromasa. "She's going to be my other sister. Therefore, her name is Okita."

Several other members offered their last names as options. Finally, the Honda spoke up. "Guys. She is five years old. Let her chose for herself. It will also help her adjust."

Hiromasa wrinkled her nose at him. "I'm eight, sir." Everyone's eyes widened at this revelation. She was so small and thin. Could she only be two years younger than Sougo? Honda was further alarmed at this girl's background story. She must have been severely maltreated her entire life to be this small. He had read the note but he had thought that perhaps this treatment was a more recent thing. "Also, I don't really care" She sighed. "No offense." She added quickly, lest they hit her for being mouthy. It was going to take the child a while to get rid of the fear of being beaten.

"Ha! I'm still older. You must now address me as Senpai." Sougo flicked her in the nose. "You would've had to anyway. Since I was a member first."

"So, this means she gets my last name, right?" Tadashi spoke up only to have a fist smashed into his head by several of the other members. "No! You weren't even a part of Kondou's Dojo."

 _'_ _I wonder if it's too late to change my mind.'_ Hiromasa shoved his hand away from her face. Around her the men stood in a huddle in the center of the infirmary. Ignoring them, she stood up again and started stretching. It has been a while since she felt so good. As she started to walk towards the open doorway when suddenly Yamazaki suddenly came running in past her, with a simple black cap. "I've it!" His black eyes were filled with anime sparkles. "Anyone who wants Hiromasa to have his last name will put it on a piece of paper and Kondou-san will draw a name out of the hat, and that'll be her last name.

Ignoring them, as she saw some books on the other end of the room that she went to check out. Two novels had been thrown hap hazardously onto the small table by the doorway that led into compound. Also on the desk were several scrolls, a few brushes and a small bowl of ink. She read the summary of the books; one was a mystery novel, and the other was a book on local herbs in Japan.

Meanwhile, the samurai excitedly scribbled their sir names on the paper, some were more visible excited than other. Hijikata wrote so aggressively that he had to use a new scrap of paper. Sougo then took that scrap under the guise of handing it to Yamazaki but purposely let it blow out into the wind. As he aggressively wrote on yet another, Kondou snatched it from Hijikata before Sougo could blow it up with the bazooka that he was now holding. Hanging his head, the first division lieutenant set the weapon aside for another time. "Are all of the names in the hat?" Kondou asked his men, after receiving the proper affirmations. Shaking around the paper in the hat, Kondou pulled one out at random. He thought he heard a tearing noise in the hat but ignored it. The samurai were dead silent as they waited for the conclusion of whose name their new child/ sister/niece would take. Even the wind seemed to be holding its breath. The only noise was a flutter of pages.

"Hiromasa's last name is…" Yamazaki provided Kondou a drum roll with his bowl of now empty anpan which he had turned upside down. The commander took a breath, before reading. "Property of the Shinsengumi…."

There were mutterings of confusion. Who had put that in there they all wondered. Hijikata took the paper and looked it over. It was the tag in the hat. Yamazaki had taken it on his last mission, and in case Yamazaki lost the it, Matsudaira had written it in the hat because they did not have a large disguise budget. A discussion followed on whether there should be a redraw. Before Kondou should his head, "No. It's fate. She's meant to belong with us." He sighed, happily. Hiromasa wondered over, curious as to what the commotion was about this time, and she was once again picked up in someone's arms. Kondo swung her around in a happy twirl—anime flowers and hearts appeared all around him in his bliss. "You're Hiromasa Shinsengumi, now." When he finally set her down she scowled at him, which everyone just found adorable. "Is it too late to get a ticket for that train?" Patting her head with a large, pale and roughened hand, Hijikata grinned. "Yep. Your stuck with us, kid." Twisting her lips, Hiromasa was certain that she had made a bad decision in deciding to stay…. _'Well since I am already here… Might as well enjoy it.'_ But she could not help the thought at the back of her head wondering what she had gotten into when they enveloped her into a group hug. Authors note: I'm hoping I kept them in character well enough, I kind of wanted it to flow like an episode of Gintama. Please review, like and favorite. This story was originally called Kinirotama, so Gold Soul but then Yazziyousdaydreamer pointed out that it can be confused with testicles and I did not want that so here we are at bronze. Like Gintama, my characters are also based off real people—except Honda, I had Hattori from Fruit's Basket in mind when I created him, particularly in looks. Oh, and neither was Tadashi though I did base him off a couple of the boys at my former high school. Hiromasa is based on Yazziyou daydreamer, and some of the stuff mentioned happened to her in real life. Imako is based off me. Saiko is based off Yazziyou's mother. And my grandmother was based off my real grandmother. I tried to incorporate some history and things in my story, hopefully it went well. Here's some info about the people and places I mentioned: *Whitechapel is one of the slums in Victorian England. * **Li Xiangjun was a famous Chinese Courtesan at some point. She was known for playing the Chinese lute and a few other things.**


	2. Chapter 1: Kidnapping is Fine as Long as

SeidouTama

A GinTama fanfiction

Chapter 1: Kidnapping People Is Fine if It's Not for Lust

Authors note: I don't own Gintama or anything affiliated with it. If you want to send me money, because I'm awesome go for it? Not sure if it's illegal or not? But Eh. Have a good holiday season, fellow samurai?

Edo, Japan

 _Approximately 7 years later_

The spring day was pleasant and dull. For once the Shinsengumi compound was quiet. The late afternoon streamed through the open sliding door. For once there was nothing happening in Edo. Most of the Shinsengumi members were on patrol around the city, or were visiting friends and relatives if it was their day off. Everyone was enjoying the early spring weather after having been cooped up in the in the bleary, snowy winter season.

One room in the compound was a bit different than the other others. The paper walls had been decorated with a yellow floral print, matching the bedspread on the Shikifuton. Piles and piles of books surrounded the room. Books of all sorts, some were expensive old copies that were incredibly rare, others manga, some historical, some books on herbs. There was everything from mystery novels to cookbooks. Some in cheap, plastic tubs that appeared that they would burst at any minute. In the corner, a tall teenage girl; she was tall with a rather sturdy build napped where she fell asleep reading a very thick novel. At her side was a messenger bag filled with more books that she had bought earlier that day.

Loud voices and several doors roused her awake "What the hell?" She growled angrily. She used a tan, work roughened hand to pull down her gray yukata that had risen up over her belly while as she dozed. Hiromasa grimaced. 'What those morons were up now?' It was her first day off in a while and she had asked for them to keep quiet so she could enjoy her books.

The room across from hers was a large, walk-in supply closet. There were several shelves filled with cleaning supplies, bleaches, brooms, mops, a couple extra chairs, etc. It was the only room in the Shinsengumi headquarters that did not have another exit.

Yamazaki placed a chair so Sougo could drop off the wiggling package, he was carrying over his shoulder, like a sack of potatoes. Striding over, their leader looked over their work, like an artist inspecting his most recent masterpiece. "Ah ha!" He uttered, his face brightening, as he pulled out a red Christmas bow and placed it on top of the package.

When vice-commander Hijikata heard of the other members' idea, he scheduled himself a day off– not wanting to be involved with those idiots. So instead he was at the far end of town at his favorite Ramen stand, emptying an entire jar of mayonnaise onto the steaming pasta.

Muffled screams sounded from across the hall. "Shut up. You're going to wake her and ruin the surprise." Sougo poked the tied-up girl with the anpan sack over her head.

 _"_ Hiromasa is going to be so happy…" Kondou mused almost wiggling in excitement. "This is something she has needed for a long time. I knew our precious daughter was lacking something. Something important… Then we figured it out!"

The teenager was tired of the commotion and went to figure out what the heck was going on, hoping she could make them be quiet. She was expecting them to have bought a piñata, or found a new board game they wanted to play. She sighed as she remembered how badly it had turned out when someone found out about _Twister_ and decided to have a game night one weekend. Yamazaki, ended up unable to untangle himself from Tadashi for a few days.

She certainly was not expecting to find Sougo standing next to a tied-up girl, with her head covered. And several samurai grinning sheepishly like they had been caught stealing a cookie from the cookie jar before supper.

Her tan skin paled, and an anime irritation mark popped up on her forehead. At incredible speed a heavy book was launched at the 1st division captain's head. With efficient speed, he caught it. "Sougo! You disgusting freak!" She hurled several more books at him. "How many times have I told you not to do freaky sadism things to random skanks near my room! Worst brother ever!" Hiromasa turned her icy glare on Yamazaki, and Tadashi, who cowered a bit. "You too are just as bad. You gross freaks are here to watch it! Get a life." And finally, she turned to the captain of the Shinsengumi. "You've done some pretty questionable things, Dad. But this is the worst."

Before she could turn on her heels and stalk out of the room and into the kitchen for a snack, Kondou placed an arm on her shoulder. "Sweetheart, it's not like that at all. My heart belongs to Otae." Tears welled up in his eyes, as he dropped to his knees. "My own daughter! Thinks I would be as awful as to cheat on the woman I love."

"It's not cheating if you're not in a relationship." Sougo pointed out.

Tadashi nodded, "Yeah. Stalking is pretty one-sided."

Meanwhile, the tied- up girl started wiggling like crazy, to get the one with the female sounding voice's attention. "Hrrp! Hrrrp!"

Kondou glared at his subordinates. "Otae will accept my love one day." He stood up and gestured at the bondaged girl. "We brought you a present!" Hiromasa's eyebrows shot straight up into her eyebrows. Before she could inquire what, he was going on about- on que, Sougo ripped the bag off the girl's head to reveal a very pretty girl, about Hiromasa's age. But she had make up to make her look younger.

Hiromasa's brown eyes darkened, as Kondou explained. "We finally found you a friend."

'Those morons went and kidnapped an Amanto. Uncle Matsudaira's going to have a cow over this. An Amanto? Off all the people. I'm going to have an extra months' supply of paper work dealing with this. I just know it.' Hiromasa sighed internally.

Before Hiromasa could say anything, the other girl interjected immediately. "You wierdos kidnaped me! Oh, god! I'm going to be late for work!" Recognition, lit up her pine green eyes. "You were those men at my table the last few weeks." Her tone, was higher pitched in panic, tilting her head at Kondou. "And you're the hairy guy that's obsessed my co-worker." "Is this a weird stalker thing!" She shook her head back and forth repeatedly. "I am _not_ going to be a sex slave!"

Kondou laughed, merrily, patting the startled courtesan, on the shoulder. "Don't be silly. I only love Otae." Everyone nodded. "You're here to be Hiromasa's new best friend." Tadashi reassured her. "It's wouldn't be proper or acceptable to kidnap a woman you're in love with for personal reasons." The first division's captain explained, since Kondou was too busy thinking about how beautiful _his_ Otae was.

"So, it's fine to kidnap one you're not in love with for a friend?" The Courtesan inquired, towards her kidnappers, with one dark brow quirked.

Everyone aside from Hiromasa and herself nodded. Growing impatient, as his favorite drama was going to be on TV soon, Yamazaki got everyone focused again. "Well… You're here to become friends—"

"No. Put her back. I don't need any friends! I have my work and my books! And I'm certainly not some madou that needs you to kidnap people to be her friends!" Hiromasa snapped.

Kondou sighed, Hiromasa was usually a polite child. He supposed it must be since she's became a teenager she just got grumpier. Female hormones he presumed, shuddering as he thought about the first time she had her monthly blood. Being all men, no one had thought to explain to her about puberty or other womanly things, although he thought Tadashi once tried to tell her that her parts might drop and her voice would get deeper. It was not uncommon to forget that their child/ sister/ niece was not actually a boy.

"I met her at Snack Smile. She was very kind and polite to me. She's friend's with Otae. I had to make sure she was okay so we followed her for several months." Kondou related. Trying to put Hiromasa at ease. 'After all, it was not her fault that female hormones made her act crazy.'

"Wait! Were you the racoons in my trash cans?" Imako squeaked.

Yamazaki nodded, rubbing his head. "You had great aim with those cans."

He thought back to those missions, where he had dressed as a racoon to go through her garbage and things to make sure she did not have any illegal going ons—that would not be a good trait for a friend of their Hiromasa.

The teenage samurai started to say something before her brother interrupted her.

"It's time for _Great Teacher Oni-san_." The men were shoved roughly into the hall. Normally they would have complained, but they did not want to miss the opening credits. Before sprinting after them, Sougo muttered "You two are going to stay in there until your friends."

Kondou was not too far away when he turned and yelled at his daughter, "Enjoy your play date." Before disappearing into the parlor, Sougo smirked sadistically at his younger sister. Hiromasa furiously threw one of the extra chairs at his impish face only to have her attack halted by the slamming of the door.

Sighing, the samurai defeatedly stalked over to the captive courtesan and untied her from the chair. "I'm so sorry about this. Can you tell me how you ended up getting involved with those buffoons?"

The green-eyed girl laughed, rubbing her sore wrists. It was a sarcastic, short laugh. "I should be asking you that. You seem to be the only sane one."

Hiromasa very much agreed with her. "How did they bring you here anyway."

The Amanto sighed before starting her story.

It was a typical Friday when she was scheduled to work. The late afternoon sun hung low in the sky. Cat calls from drunken gentlemen, clinks of glasses and bottles, the aroma of fried rice, sake and sweat and hazy perfumes hung in the air– the familiar sights and smells of the Kabuki District. Imako smiled as she locked the door to her apartment behind her.

People of all classes mingled in the streets, enjoying the fares. Even If it was considered the seedy side of town, the girl never had any problem with it. Everyone looks out for each other because they would expect the same in return.

As she started walking, she saw a saxophone player set up. He was short for a boy and looked to be around her age. He had a black bowl cut and a shiny gold saxophone. He played wonderful smooth jazz. She wished she could stay and listen to him, but she had to get to work. She made her way through the small crowd that had already gathered. Unbeknownst to Imako, the musician smiled deviously as he saw her make her way down the street where the others would be waiting.

She was pleased that she lived so close the Snack Smile _,_ the Kaberet club where she worked as a Lolita themed hostess, or she would have been late or in the very least would not have a lot of time to get her costume ready.

Imako thought about her first few days here, as she walked to work. Until about six months ago she had resided in Miyama, a small farming village north of Edo, with her parents and younger siblings. As a thirteenth birthday present her family had gotten together and had gotten her a train tickets to Edo so she could set out to find her fortune and a good husband—Her mother made sure to add that part.

A first, she was scared never having been to a city in a very long time or lived alone. After a while she was happy with the move. 'I enjoy being a strong, independent woman.' Almost immediately the Hallowork Job agency found her a spot at a hostess bar called Snack Smile. She was worried at first because she had heard rumors of places where women stripped naked or pleasured men for their job. She knew she needed work, but she did know want to fling away her innocence or dignity to work as a harlot—especially in some of the less classy joints like No Underwear Shabu Shabu Heaven _._ She shuddered at the thought. Thankfully, even though it was a hostess job, you only slept with the customers if you wanted—the ladies received more money that way but she was not interested in that. She just had to entertain the gentlemen (and occasional ladies) by pouring drinks and telling stories. It was the equivalency of a regular host club except one came to see pretty girls and not handsome men.

As soon as the owner of Snack Smile, Shimatesai Shigeo, wanted her as a Lolita as soon as he saw her, mumbling about how much money she was going to make him. After all she was so young looking, but still of legal age to work there, and she had the perfect cutesy looks, an adorably awkward personality and she was at least part Amanto so that adds and exotic nature to her.

As the young woman set off towards work, she thought she kept hearing footsteps behind her. She did not pay much mind to it, after all they could be headed to Snack Smile as well. It was a popular destination on the weekends. 'I wonder if they'll be my customers,' she speculated, absently whistling as she scurried along the cobbled streets. Out of nowhere, a black SUV pulls up beside her. Again, she thought nothing of it, this happened a lot. It was usually just someone wanting directions.

Turning to face the driver with a grin, that quickly faded when she saw that he had his face covered by a hood, she chided him. "Hey! You know it's illegal to drive with your face covered! That's dangerous!"

The hooded man hollered back, "I can see just fine! I have 20/20 eye sight."

It was an expensive car she noted. The seats looked to be real leather. 'Must be some rich punk on holiday with his fraternity brothers,' she mused, as she noticed several other people were in the car all of them wearing hoods. One of the men in the passenger side was dancing about in his seat. Loud music came from his head phones. Imako thought she could hear the vocaloid Miku's, new song "The World is Mine" "Look," she pointed her index finger at him. "It doesn't matter how great your vision is if your eyes are being blocked by a hood."

An anime irritation mark popped up on the drivers covered forehead. A few moments passed as he thought about it. "Eh. Your probably right. Thanks, miss." He was removing his hood when the passenger sitting next to him slapped his hand and hissed something into his ear that the courtesan could not understand.

The gentleman in the passenger seat let out a low whistle. Then in that moment there was a flash of light behind Imako distracting her for a moment when a couple of the hooded figures in the SUV jumped out and grabbed the girl. Before she had the time to process what was happening, she had her hands tied in front of her and she let out a hoarse scream. It was no use, everyone else was a few blocks away, or already inside the many businesses on the street, and there was that loud saxophone concert going on.

Her screams were muffled by a sack that smelled strongly of sugar and baked red beans. She could feel herself being lifted into the car. She feared her heart would beat out of her chest! After being stuffed between three people in the back seat, she thought it would be better to get injured by jumping out of a moving vehicle then to being murdered or raped!" she tried to crawl to the door. 'I bet that's why they wore hood! They were some freaky cult thing.' Annoyed at her wiggling, and because her bound legs kept kicking at him. The hooded man pressed a thin cloth against her bag that smelled sickly sweet. 'I've changed my mind… I am not an independent woman. I want go home' Then everything faded into darkness.

The teenage Samurai groaned when the other girl shared her story. "I'm so sorry," she bowed, her face bright red. Of all the irresponsible things they have done— kidnapping and drugging a civilian must be one of the worst.

"It's not your fault" She stood, straightening her plum colored kimono. "You're not a hooligan that finds it acceptable to attack random women on the street." Imako bowed in return. "Now I must return to work. Do you have a phone I need to contact my boss and explain my absence…"?

Hiromasa wrinkled her nose at the mention of the other girl's job. She had never understood how women can stand to degrade themselves by acting as sluts. "Yeah. There's one in my room you can use." Her voiced colored with disgust.

Noticing the samurai's tone, Imako quirked an eyebrow; however, she did not say anything. She was not sure what it was about. 'Is there something on my face?' Out loud she said, "Well, thank you."

Hiromasa tried to pull open the door, unfortunately for the girls. The supply room was one of the few western style rooms in the compound so instead of a traditional paper sliding door it had a wooden door with a lock. "What the Hell!" She muttered trying to force the door open. She spent several minutes pulling and yanking before throwing her shoulder against it in frustration.

Slowly she turned to face Imako. "We're locked in.

"Let me try," Imako mumbled, gesturing for the her to move aside, her long sleeves rippling with the movement.

'Wonder what type of Amanto she is. Maybe she had measurable strength like those of the Yato clan.' Hiromasa moved towards the back wall. 'She can't be a Yato though, her skin is tawny… not an almost translucent white.' The samurai rebraided her long, brunette hair.

Imako yanked and pulled, jiggling the bronze handle. Nothing happened. "Bloody Hell," she mumbled angrily.

'Well she clearly isn't one with any significant strength.' Hiromasa figured. "Oi! Let us out!" Hiromasa bellowed through the door, coming to stand beside Imako. The two knocked furiously for what seemed like hours.

Down the hall from the supply closet was a parlor which was more of a mix between a recreation room and lounge for the samurai to enjoy in their leisure time. It was donated from the Inu embassy after they arrested the bandit that kept breaking in and stealing their biscuits. There was a large shrine/ bird house television in the center of the back wall. Several couches, and bean bag chairs were scattered around the room. Near the door there was a large wooden cabinet where they kept the supplies for game night.

Several of the samurai were resting their chests on pillows and bean bag chairs in front of the television. Their eyes were glued to the screen. There were several groans from when the images changed from the male teacher passionately kissing his female student to an advertisement for toilet paper.

"I'll see if Yoshihiro has started dinner yet." Kondou mumbled, standing up as he heard his stomach grumbling. The other men nodded, glumly. Kondou headed to the hallway where he heard the indignant shouting of the girls.

"Let us out!"

"This isn't okay."

"I know you can hear me!"

Kondou frowned. 'They shouldn't be screaming. They should be giggling, and chatting about boys and new fashions.' He leaned against the wall across from the supply closet. Stroking his goatee, he pondered how best to handle the situation. An anime light bulb appeared above him. "I've got it!" he struck a victory pose. "I'll let you out as soon as your best friends!" He grinned at his own brilliance.

"What? No! Just let us out!" Hiromasa growled, ready to scratch his eyes out. "If you don't…." She paused thinking for a moment. "I'll see to it that you commit seppuku!"

The reaction from the commander of the Shinsengumi was not one they were hoping for. "You've been listening to Hijikata too much." He chuckled. "This is like when the first time you were sent home from girl's school because you tried to for your classmate to commit Seppuku because she pulled on your braids." He went on reminiscing for a little while longer, but the girls had stopped listening.

Threats clearly were not working. The Amanto tried a different tactic. "Hey, man. Your daughter or whatever she is. Seems cool and all that—But I need to go to work. I won't tell anyone. Just let me out." Imako pleaded. "If you do, I'll give you Tae's home number…?' She hated to betray her coworker like that, but Tae can just change her phone number.

In the time, it took for him to consider it, the girls' chests filled with hope. 'There's no way he would say no to that.' Hiromasa smirked, knowing how obsessed he was with the rowdy, Kabaret girl.

In the hallway Kondou was spinning around with the joy of the idea of having the brunette hostess's phone number. He would tell her romantic poetry and she would immediately come running into his arms. Kondou grinned. "No."

"What!" Imako threw herself on the floor with an _Oomph!_ "Why Not?"

On the other end of the hall, Kondou crossed his muscular arms. "It's simple. When you're a parent you'll understand." He sighed. "Hiromasa is my daughter. Therefore, no matter how much I desire Otae's number. Hiromasa must come first. She needs a friend." With that last speech, he left, with tears in his eyes at what he lost, but honor held his head high. He had done his job as a man and a father.

Sitting up, Imako wondered over to several of the books that lay on the ground. One was a manga. _Bleach_ by Tite Kubo. The cover had an anime character with bright radioactive cheese colored hair. He wore black robes and held a giant sword It was a special edition that held the entire first 53 volumes.

"Oh wow!" She squealed. Hiromasa slinked over to see what she was going on about. "I picked that up at the book store a couple days ago."

The Amanto girl's eyes sparkled. "I read _Bleach_ in _Shonin Jump_ all the time!"

Pulling down another chair and sitting it across from the other so they could sit together, Imako pointed to the character with black hair and green eyes. "Ulquiorra is one of my favorite characters."

Hiromasa used the tip of her index finger to adjust her metal, rimmed glasses. "I actually prefer Stark, but yes. Ulquiorra is a cool character." The two dwelled deeper into the conversation. Their voices higher, in excitement.

'She's not so bad for a courtesan…' Hiromasa noted. At the same time Imako decided that she could get along with this girl. 'It's too bad she appears not to like me.'

Out of nowhere, Yamazaki slid his head in the doggy door to the supply closet. Hiromasa, startled at his sudden appearance. "When did we get a doggy door?"

"Since you missed supper I brought you snacks." Yamazaki stated, slipping his head back out only to push a covered tray in.

Standing, Hiromasa shouted out after him. "What? When did we get a doggy door…. Also, why do we have a doggy door. This is a supply closet! Dogs can't live here! Hey, wait! Let us out!"

But it was too late, Yamazaki knew not to be around an upset Hiromasa– last time she made the entire third division cry. They would not come out of the barracks for the weekend, they just sobbed in the dark.

She sighed. "Well, we're going to be here for a while."

"I recognize that man! He was the saxophone player!" It dawned on Imako that he could have been purposely sent there to distract the crowds while the government officials kidnapped her! His hair was in bob then now he has longish hair. Now he has a wig. Hiromasa nodded, after Imako explained her theory. The samurai told her about how Yamazaki is actually a spy for them and often gets roles like that in missions.

There was silence for a few more moments, until an anime lightbulb appeared above Imako's wild, curly hair. "We have a means of escape." She said, flashing her a wide grin. Hiromasa noticed that the left side of her top teeth were crooked. The female Samurai set the tray on her chair and watched see what the other girl would do.

Imako positioned herself on her hands and knees in front of the doggy door. "I'm gonna to get us out of here." Thrusting herself into the door, Imako let out a low breath. She felt a rush of excitement, 'Freedom!' She tried crawling forward again. She tried this for a few seconds before she realized that she wasn't going anywhere. An Anime sweat drop fell on her forehead, and

"Um, Hiromasa…" She murmured.

Hiromasa crossed her arms. "Yes? Why aren't you in the hallway, yet?"

"Um…I'm stuck." A cotton candy blush crept on Imako's cheeks. An annoyed sigh escaped from behind her.

"Give me a moment." Hiromasa twisted her lips uncomfortably. "Don't take it the wrong way…. But, I'm going to need to put my hands on your bum?" The samurai did not enjoy physical touch, but this was necessary for her freedom. Steeling herself, Hiromasa placed her hands on Imako's hips and pushed as she could. But it was; no use the other girl's boobs were the problem. They were too big. She had to have at least double DDs. "Couldn't you wear a binder or something." She muttered.

"No. I can't it wouldn't sell as well." Imako groaned. "Never mind. Just get me back in."

Grabbing onto her legs, Hiromasa roughly pulled her backwards through the door—painfully smashing Imako's boobs in the process. Wincing in sympathy, at the pained gasp from the girl. Hiromasa also had an unfortunately large chest. 'Unlike her, I have the common sense to bind it.'

When the Amanto girl was back in the room, she just lay there for a few moments. "Well, it was worth a shot." She replied cheerfully.

Hiromasa grinned back at her. 'Okay she might be a spaz. But she's pretty okay. Actually, better than most of the people around here.' She pulled off the cover of the tray that still steamed. "We might as well eat something. We're going to be here for a while." Inside were two cups of green tea, a small jar of honey, and a plate of cheese and bacon onigiri.

As they ate, they chatted some more about books, and stated discussing some of the events around town like the upcoming Sakura festival. "So how did you end up in this mess anyway? I didn't think the Shinsengumi had any female members?" Imako asked, genuinely curious.

Hiromasa told about her how her mother had left for another country and leaving her behind as she wandered around the strange city before another girl told her that the police could help her.

Imako leaned in closer, "Wait, were you the girl that was lost? I was the one that told you about the Shinsengumi."

Hiromasa smiled, "Well thank you again." She remembered yeah, that girl looks a lot like the lady here now. "What a strange coincidence? After all these years."

"I know, right?"

The conversation once again turned to books, then eventually the upcoming Sakura festival.

Finally, due to the nice evening, and exhausted by the events of the day, they fell asleep.

The girls were startled awake by sudden victory calls. "We did! We made Hiromasa friend!" Hiromasa glared balefully at her father. She rubbed the back of her neck trying to get rid of the stiff feeling. She was cold, as they had found a few blankets in one of the cabinets but Imako had stolen all of them in her sleep.

Rising from the nest she created, Imako blinked the sunlight from the open door as she yawned. Kondou moved to stand behind her placing a large hand on her shoulder. "Well, I see you two have come to get along quite well. It was nice seeing you, Shirohana."

"Uh huh." Imako rose to her feet. "So why didn't you just ask me to meet her? I would have on one of my nights off…"

Kondou's face went blank. "Wait?" He scratched his beard. "I never thought of that?" He turned to the first division's captain who had come to stand in the doorway. "Sougo, did you think of that?"

Sougo shrugged, placing his arms in the black sleeves of his uniform jacket. "Meh. It was more entertaining this way."

Rubbing her temples, Hiromasa scowled at her family. "Are we done with this now? There is a sale at Books Kinokuniya." She turned to Imako, "I'll see you at the festival next weekend." Imako agreed as she sauntered out of the supply closet.

"Here, let me give you a ride home." Kondou graciously offered, "Unless you would like to join us for breakfast first?" He would not want Hiromasa's new best friend to think she lived with unruly animals. It was basic manners to offer someone breakfast when they stay the night.

The Amanto pursed her lips, shaking her head back and forth trying to understand these people. "Sure. I could stand to break my fast." She shrugged. Kondou lead the group to a large section of the compound. There were already several men seated chowing down on large bowls of eggs, rice, and bacon. Some were joking and elbowing each other. It had a nice friendly atmosphere. Hiromasa disappeared to room behind the counter to go fetch bowls of oatmeal for Imako and herself. She told her new friend to go pick a seat.

Imako spotted one of the Shinsengumi members she had seen around town. He had black hair with a green tint and was smoking a cigarette while he read some sort of novel. 'Hijikata, that is his name, right?' Imako wondered waving at him but he did not seem to notice. 'He's so cute!' Her blush faded when a missile flew past her shoulder, just grazing her hair. It flew into the wall in front of her where the demon vice-commander was sitting. Smoke and debris scattered. Imako jumped back, looking around. Behind her the first division's captain was holding a smoking bazooka.

Hiromasa did not even bother to stick her head out of the kitchen, at all the chaos going on in the dinning room. She was so used to Sougo's attempts to murder Hijikata. She just kept heating the boiling water in the kettle to pour over the instant packets of oatmeal that were already placed in her favorite porcelain bowls. They were yellow with tiny badgers painted on them, a birthday gift from Kondou a couple years ago. She had been surprised at receiving such a thoughtful gift from her father. It was not often that he showed how much he cared about her without being a blithering idiot. It was not an expensive gift—she had received jade rings, silk kimonos, and shoes imported from several planets over. Those had been for festivals and celebrations honoring the Shinsengumi. They were pretty and all but they were not really her. This was one of the few times he had shown that he paid attention to her.

The other samurai had very similar reactions. They just continued their conversations around the room. Hijikata stood up, coughing smoke. "What the hell!" He pointed angrily at his subordinate. "Are you trying to kill me, Sougo?" He snarled stalking towards him only to be stopped by Kondou.

"Guys, calm down. This is the first-time Hiromasa's had a friend over." He whispered loudly to Sougo and Hijikata. Sougo nodded innocently as he went to go fetch some fried eggs.

"Whatever." Hijikata mumbled retiring to the bath to get cleaned up. Hiromasa held a tray as she swept Imako away from the craziness and out into the Zen garden where they sat on benches. Imako did not ask about the bazooka incident. She was not sure she wanted to know. They chatted and gossiped for a little bit until Kondou took Imako home in one of the police cruisers.

The apartment building was above a small shop that sold books, adult novelty items, and kimonos. There were only three apartments above the shop. The biggest one was lived in by the owners of the shop. The one across the hall from it was rented by Imako Shirohana, and the one next to hers was empty. Shirohana Imako's apartment was small but cozy. It was a one bed/one bath flat with a small living room, and with a half kitchen to the side. The was an entryway, by the love seat that lead to her bedroom. The other door next to the stove lead to the bathroom. Half of the apartments in the area didn't have their own bathrooms—well they had a toilet and a sink, but nothing for bathing as it was customary to go to a public bathhouse if one did not live in a compound with a private bathing springs. At least until the Amanto landed, now it's just traditional for most of the houses in the area.

"Whelp. I'm ready for a nap." Imako mumbled as she opened her apartment door to find dozens of roses, and gift baskets and cards littering her small living room. She picked up one of the cards on the coffee table. "What the Hell?" the card had a cartoon of a sick person in a hospital bed. Inside it read:

 _Dear Shirohana,_

 _I'm sorry to hear about your sudden sickness. Kondou Isao of the Shinsengumi explained to me that you had contracted measles and you needed a few days of rest. It's wonderful that you have such good friends. Don't worry about your next few shifts. I'll have someone else cover it. Get better soon! Your co-workers and I will miss you._

 _Sincerely,_

 _Shimatesai Shigeo_

There were also cards and baskets from Otae, her land ladies, several of her other friends, and half of the kabuki district. All of them showing sympathy for her sickness. 'How am I going to explain this?' Imako stood still for a moment. "ARGGGG!" She screamed into the air. Rubbing her temples, she moved past her get well gifts and found her bedroom. It was the sze of a closet but she liked it. She lay down on her bedroll and covered up to forget the day.

-End of chapter-

Authors note:

Great Teacher Ona-san is a parody of an actual Japanese drama called Great Teacher Onizuki.

I looked all over for the owner of Snack Smile's name. I couldn't find it. So, I made one up, if any of you know it? Please let me, know and I'll change it. I chose Shigeo because it means Luxuriant man (Because he owns a club where beautiful women entertain men. That seems like a luxurious thing to me.) And I choose his last name, Shimatesai because it means lower style. And I suppose a kabuki club isn't always classy. I was trying to be humorousJ

Books Kinokuniya is an actual book store in Japan.

Oh, Um, Imako's last name Shirohanna means something along the lines of white flower. Flower because Yazziyoudaydreamer choose the name Hana. And White because in Asian culture White usually means evil or bad—at least in theatre and her biological family isn't pleasant to say the least—though still not as bad as Hiromasa's.

Half of the places mentioned in this were places in Gintama. And Yoshihiro is the name of a Japanese celebrity chef.


	3. Chapter 3: Don't just bring booze to a p

Seidotama

Chapter 2: When you are invited to a potluck do not just bring booze.

"Accusations can fit on a bumper sticker the truth takes longer"

–Michael Hayden

Authors note: I don't own Gintama or anything affiliated with Gintama. Also, this will be the last time skip for a while. As Usual I do not own Gintama, nor anything else I have rfernced throughout this story. Please stay tuned to the end for bonus material.

Edo, Japan

2 years later

-Beginning of chapter-

The sun was rising steadily over Edo casting shadows over the many homes and businesses. Already merchants bustled about in their shops setting up for the days bout of customers (Obviously aside from those businesses that only operate at night). On the outskirts of town several farmers were plowing their fields and tending to their live stalk. While wives prepared their husbands and school aged children lunches for the day. Meanwhile, those on the grave yard shift were headed home, mixing in with the last of the drunkards that were tossed out upon waking up.

Several years ago, back when Hiromasa was first taken in, The Shinsengumi made her a private bathroom attached to her room, technically they hired Musashi to do it because for a man who only wore underpants, a shirt, eye glasses, and a hard hat; he is one of Edo's finest contractors. The Shinsengumi arranged for it to be built as soon as it occurred to them that, Hiromasa would eventually become a young woman and it would not do for her to share the bath house with men. The Bakufu head of the Shinsengumi, Katakuriko Matsudaira, was especially adamant about this– as a man with a daughter he knows how important it is for a lady to have her privacy.

Instead of building her an entire bathhouse, they added another room to her bedroom. While the construction was going on it was not suitable for her to sleep in, Sougo offered to share his room with newest his sister for the time, but Matsudaira put his foot down and took Hiromasa to his house. "Girls need to spend time with other girls, not rotten meat heads all the time.." He grumbled under his breath.

At first Kondo wanted to say no, he wanted to keep his daughter near. But the pistol at his forehead convinced him that Hiromasa should spend time with her cousin. "Thanks for being understanding." Matsudaira grinned.

Secretly, Hijikata was relieved. The Shinsengumi men, all stayed in several barracks. The only ones to have their own rooms is the head officers. The vice demon commander did not think it would be appropriate for a little girl to share his room since he was a grown man, and he also liked his privacy.

The other option, Sougo, even though was almost a child still in age, not in personality. Hijikata did not want the sadist to taint that sweet little girl… not that he would admit it out loud, he would commit seppuku or worse give up smoking and mayonnaise.

Everyone thought it would be nice for the girl to spend some time with her "cousin", Kuriko, who was on summer vacation from Institute Le Rosey, which is a boarding school for girls on the planet Chiizukuni. A very revered school for parents that can afford it. It had a reputation of the ladies that went there would go on to marry in wealthy families, including lots of royalty. Hiromasa was relieved when she went back, she could only take so much talk about boy bands, and who* so and so celebrity wore when the won the Graham Cracker award.

In the end, the bathroom turned out to be lovely but simple. With an oval tub with an attached shower head. The walls were a blue lotus wallpaper. A medium oval mirror over looked a marble basin with a waterfall fountain. The tiles had an image of yellow rubber ducks painted on them. It was very elegant yet childish looking. Perfect for such a mature kid.

The bathroom has not changed over the eleven years. Steam rose through the room creating a foggy atmosphere that would have sunken most ships on the sea. Hiromasa coated the lavender scented conditioner in her hair. Scrubbing it all into her scalp, she made sure to hit every inch. The samurai's hair was practically unworkable if there is nothing to soften it. Until she saw it herself one day, Imako never believed Hiromasa's hair could be more work than her wild curls.

The formentioned girl stood at the sink coated her face with an over powering citrusy scented morning face wash. She had already used the shower. "Hey. You almost ready?" she called to her best friend. "We need to get to the market soon, so we can get supplies." The Amanto wiped the fog off the mirror so she could check if she got all of the cream off of her face or not. It became a habit to check after a couple of traumatizing incidences of forgetting and going all over town with neon orange splotches all over her face.

"Yeah. Just give me fifteen more minutes." Hiromasa mumbled enjoying the hot water sliding over her back. Out of all the thing amanto brought with them to Earth, showers would always be one of her favorites.

Imako rolled her eyes knowing it would end up being another half an hour at least. She excited the bathroom, wrapping herself in a ridiculously fluffy pink bathrobe. Sprawled on Hiromasa's bed, the teen leafed through this week's issue of _Jump,_ while the gel in her hair dried.

 _1 hour later,_

 _Shopping district_

 _Kabuki Town,_

 _Edo, Japan_

"Slow down, will you?" the taller girl huffed as she tried to keep pace with her best friend. With only a slight glance back at Hiromasa, Imako kept up he brisk stride.

"If you would have come out of the bathroom quicker, I could have." The courtesan waved a greeting at an older man wearing sun glasses who handing an orange to a little kid. Hasegawa Taizou waved back at Imako, hitting the kid's mom in the face, who is waiting with the yen out to him. Neither of the girls noticed his blunder, as they had already passed by.

Hiromasa's yellow kimono rose and fell with her belly as she tried to catch her breath. The teenage samurai slumped on the bench outside of Fukuronezumi's "For a samurai, you not very athletic." Imako teased as she placed six carrots into her hand basket.

"I spend most of my time organizing the budget and keep records. Some _one_ has to do it and those buffoons are awful at…' Hiromasa defended herself, crossing her arms over her chest. trailing off when she realized that Imako was not listening. The other girl was focusing on the slip of white paper in her hand that she torn from the black note book that read _Death note_ on it, it was a replica from the manga. A gift from one her regular customers.

The shop was a quaint little place. That sold all kinds of food from all over the galaxy for incredibly cheap. The cabaret girl used to shop at the chain store WalMartian until Hiromasa told her about this one. Imako squealed aloud, much to her embarrassment when the other shoppers stared at her, when she saw eggs for only seventy-five cents! It was all owned by a half western, Japanese half-breed, Kei-Kadan PingFa.

Kei-Kadan's father was an American sailor from the deep south, who met his mother who was farmer's daughter outside the capital. Kei- Kadan benefitted greatly from the landing of the Amanto. For most of his life he was something of a disappointment to his family. He had no interest in sailing, or farming, or even becoming a samurai.

After the Amanto won the war, and transportation became easier for everyone. Kei-Kadan went to the Venisinai School on the planet Hippusuta, which is known for its S becoming famous with their splatter paint artwork, and mopey poetry. There he found all types of different foods and would sell some from his dorms, the food his mother sent him from home in his care packages. That was when Kei-Kadan realized his destiny as a merchant selling foods from not only the region he is in but from all around the galaxy! That was when he came back home to Edo, set up a small shop and turned it into a multimillion dollar business, with small shops all over the milky way.

Hiromasa ignored her friend and started reading the latest copy of Jump, that she pulled out of her kimono. In a plume tornado, Imako spun around the store trying to get all the ingredients she needed. "Okay. Olive oil, hens, onions…" She muttered to herself.

No sooner than had Imako finished finding everything on her list, and a few extras then had she heard a familiar very girly, what the memes on BookFace called a "typical white girl" voice. "Can you like believe they are totally building a Starbucks! Next to the store! I'm like totally excited!"

On the bench, the fierce samurai who even the Shinsengumi and others, even outlaws that have crossed her path fear when they raised her ire, Hiromasa grew pale. "Not now. Not at this time. I do not want to deal with her." Donning a curly mustache and sunglasses she propped open the days' paper.

From the automatic doors in walked a group of teenage girls. There were five in total. All wore new kimonos and clutched onto real Prada handbags. One of the girls, a taller one, slightly leaned in towards the girl in the middle. "I know, right?"

The girl in the middle appeared to be their leader. She had chestnut brown hair that was wore in a bob that complemented her large forehead. "I very much want to try the unicorn Frappuccino! Ketsuno Ana, the like weather girl was caught drinking one on TMZ drinking one last night!"

"Oh! my gosh! I love her!"

"She's my idol!"

"You have the best taste, Kuriko."

The girls chatted amongst themselves at the door. Cold sweat was dripping down Hiromasa's back she was shaking like a leaf in the wind. 'Please go away. Please go away.' Peeking out over her newspaper.

Kuriko Matsudaira glanced over at the man on the bench. "Oh, my gosh I love your mustache, mister! It's like totally cool!" She pointed leaning over trying to peer at him.

Several anime sweat drops appeared on Hiromasa's forehead. "Uh… Thank you, miss." She muttered in a gruff voice how she summoned from the bottom of her belly, trying to sound like her brothers/ uncles/ dad.

Kuriko nodded and wandered away with her friends to buy Ice cream and the latest issue of StarDolls magazine and they left squealing about how cute the director, Kawakami Bonzai, who was on the latest cover, was. In the picture Bonzai–A handsome man with teal hair that was gelled into different layers of spikes. The photo was taken in the hotel fancy hotel, Hiltonku's, bar. The yin yang design on his bulky head phones could be seen from the way he was seated at an angle. Two pretty blonde women in western style dress sat leaning in, on either side of him, clapping.

Only once the doors closed behind the air headed clique, Hiromasa let out the breath she did not realize she was holding. Throwing away the disguise she shook her head free of the bowler hat and went to go join, Imako at the register. "Let's get out of here." The samurai mumbled to her best friend.

The Amanto raised an eyebrow at her best friend, wondering what got her knickers in a twist but did not ask. Carrying two paper sacks the two girls headed towards Shinsengumi headquarters to prepare their offering.

-A few hours later-

 _Koudoukan, Dojo_

 _A few miles or so outside of Edo_

The dojo used to be exceptional for a country dojo. The wooden floors sparkled as the hired maids mopped and scrubbed getting rid of the scuffs and marks made by the many students trampeling across its boards.

"It is a good thing we don't have any close neighbors or we would get noise complaints all the time." Yuuko Shimura would often remark to her husband, exasperatedly, but her warm brown eyes danced with mirth. The place was always very noisy all day and most of the night. The dojo and living quarters were always filled with the clanging and swooshing of swords (both wooden and metal), the stern voice of the instructor shouting directions, and the grunts and sighs of the disciples. But, most importantly the conversations and laughter of all the people that visited and resided in the dojo. Ken and Yuuko would often have the students stay for supper after training all day. They became an offbeat family.

Shimura Ken founded Koudoukan dojo shortly after he married Yuuko, whom he had known for a long time. Ken's father was the blacksmith, and he taught Ken the sword fighting style, Tendoumushin. passed down from all the men in his family since the time of his ancestor Yoshi who served as one of Nobunga Oda's vassals so many generations ago.

Ken wanted to teach others this fighting style, so as a child he dreamed of opening his own Dojo. The other villagers thought it was a wonderful idea for the most part. Particularly since there were none in that area. A lot of farmers sons ran off to go into cities and other villages to learn to fight so they could become samurai.

Even though Edo was not too far from their little community, it meant that they still did not see their sons very often. Hence having a dojo in their village meant the boys would stay near.

The person who supported Ken the most was Yuuko Marahoroba, the baker's daughter. She used to follow Ken around like a love-sick puppy. Normally Ken would show her away. He did with lots of girls. They were annoying. He never did with Yuuko, though.

Saving up for many years, he found that he still did not have enough money to accomplish his dreams. Since strange visitors came to the land and a war has started. With war comes price inflation. So, he took out several loans to buy a decent sum of land and build a dojo and home. As great of a swords master as Ken was he was just as dense when it came to if something was very hanky or not. He of course ended up taking loans from the shadiest businessman in the area, perhaps the whole galaxy. Ken did not realize his mistake until way later than he should have.

As soon as he bought the land he built a decent sized traditional Japanese home with three bedrooms, and a large dojo. It took up a whole summer to do it all but he did. His last step was to return to his home town and request the baker's daughter's hand in marriage.

Several years went by and everything was going well for the man. Students came from all over the land to learn this sword fighting technique– the war really helped that along. He had a thriving business; a nice home; a beautiful, kind wife; and, a cute daughter that mirrored his wife in image but him in personality (Particularly the roughness)

There was only one more thing he could possibly wish for and he got it a few more years down the road. Hinata, the village mid wife and healer took a look at Yuuko, who had not been feeling well the last few weeks. Yuuko was pregnant! With a son! 'The father was born in November. The mother April. This month is July. Therefore, it must be a boy!" Hinata explained to the happy couple.

That was when things had taken a worse. Shortly after the baby, whom they named Shinpatchi, was born, Yuuko grew very sick and died leaving Ken to raise their children by himself. Then after the war was over, the age of the samurai went with it and so did a lot of the dojo's clients, which was then followed by the staff because Ken could no longer afford to pay a staff without students.

Since the Amanto war ended, most of the villagers either moved to Edo themselves or if they wanted to avoid the Amanto they went as far from the capital as they could.

Afterwards, Ken himself died, the same sickness as his late wife, before seeing his children fully grown. Leaving them to take care of the dojo, and somehow deal with the debt their father left them with.

Now a days the Koudoukan dojo had seen better days. The floors no longer shined, and it had been a long time since the laughter of many shook its walls. Now, even if the Dojo had not yet risen to its former glory, it was still standing thanks to the dedication from Tae Shimura.

"What are we doing here again?" Hiromasa asked, looking over the dojo with a dubious glance. "Why do you always drag me to hanky locations?" She muttered.

"It's universal friendship day! We are going to celebrate with one of my co-workers who invited me over. She said I could bring guests if I wish. So, I brought you." Imako rolled her eyes, non-pulsed by her friend's grump attitude. "If you prefer, you could go back home and make friendship bracelets with Yamazaki and Bobimoto?" The courtesan grinned mischievously.

A flashback of the men in the living room appeared above Hiromasa's head. There were red and blue plastic crayon containers full of beads, piles of strings, and small tubs of charms strewn about. Men, several of them well into their thirties, sat Indian style or laid on their bellies kicking their legs back and forth as they made bracelets and necklaces for each other.

A light brown streak rushed through them, followed by a fire breathing black streak. "Get back here you bastard!" Hijikata growled holding his katana up in the air. The demon vice commander stepped on a few of his troops who were to slow to move out of his way.

Just a few minutes prior, Hijikata had been so touched that the captain of the first division would by him and Kondo their favorite type of cake for friendship day—Hijikata's even had a thick layer of mayonnaise instead of the buttercream that everyone else had.

Kondo ate his immediately not suspecting his devious subordinate of evil doing. The more cautious Hijikata, was waiting for something terrible to befall his gorilla-like boss. When nothing happened, the vice chief took a bite of his own cake, only to double over in agony.

Before Hijikata could get to his feet, the sadist disappeared around the corner and out of Kondo's office chuckling, evilly. "Toshi!" Kondo hollered, realizing that his vice commander had been poisoned.

Kondo began tapping his second in command's back, as if he were burping a baby. "You'll be okay Toshi!" He turned his head, "Honda we need your assistance in here!"

The bespectacled man, stood dropping his string of green jade and silver beads. Hurrying to his leader to see what was wrong this time. The Shinsengumi's head medic arrived on the scene in time to see the demon vice commander lifted his head, small flames burst from his mouth.

"I'm going to kill that son of a bitch! Once and for all!" Hijikata's eyes leaked the red tobacco sauce that his treat had been dosed with. He was so focused on murdering Sougo he did not notice as he raced passed his niece and her friend who were headed out for the day.

Hiromasa only shook her head as she imagined that the rest of the day at the Shinsengumi compound would go like this.

Borrowing one of the Shinsengumi's golf carts (A purchase Matsudaira made, after the Shogun once expressed a desire to sneak away to a golf course for the weekend. But that is a story for another day) to the party. It was a couple of miles from the city.

Hopping out of the car as soon as Hiromasa, turned off the engine she raced to get the food from the back. Hiromasa on the other hand was taking her time getting out of the car. Glancing over her shoulder the samurai stopped as she saw her friend stop mid skip.

"What's the matter? Did you trio over your getas again?" Hiromasa rolled her eyes. She was about to say something snarkier until she saw how pale Imako was.

Fearing rouge Ronin, bears, some sort of Amanto monster or Jouishishi terrorists, Hromasa put her hand on her handgun at her side. She was preparing to shoot whatever it was, throw Imako back in the cart and high tail it out of there.

Even though no one would ever call her brave, least of all herself, Hiromasa steeled her nerves to face whatever abhorrent man or beast that was terrorizing her best friend. The pseudo Samurai, let alone the most battle-hardened warrior, could not have prepared herself for the sight that lay out in front of her:

Imako was frozen besides the violent tremor that visibly passed through her. Hazel eyes widened to an impossible degree as they stood fixed frozen on a single being. Three feet from her, hunched over, staring right back at her was the "ferocious beast". It was a brown squirrel the size of a cat.

"What? All this for a squirrel?" Hiromasa harrumphed. The teenage samurai doubled over she was laughing too hard. "Bwahahaahahahahaaha!" It was her to shake, except Hiromasa was laughter. The raucous sound startled the rodent and it scurried away still clutching its nut. This went on for a few minutes until her chest started to ache and she could not get enough air into her lungs.

Once the beast left, Imako pushed out her lips. Tawny fist clenched and unclenched as she slowed her breathing back down to normal. She glared poisoned daggers at her best friend. Too angry, and still startled to think about how uncharacteristic this was for Hiromasa–She must have been very nervous about meeting so many people, and then thinking her best friend was being attacked.

"It's not funny."

"Actually. This is the funniest thing I have seen in a long time."

"It's really not. Squirrels should not be that big! Also, it was acting strangely! It was not even remotely frightened of me! Squirrels and most rodents are afraid of people." She shook her head. "Squirrels especially have always hated me. Lately they have been showing up everywhere. None as big as that one, though. Nor do they just stand and stare at me with murderous expressions!" Shrieked Imako. With a wince, the courtesan realized she was being too loud. Inhaling the country air, to calm her frazzled nerves.

When she had gotten out of the jeep, the squirrel had shot down form the tree faster than it should have been able to with its bulky size. Standing directly in front of the Amanto girl it chattered– barring its sharp fangs every time she tried to walk away. Before she could scream Hiromasa had come to her rescue.

"Well. Rodents are over the city. More than in the country. You probably just noticed it. Besides with all the weird creatures coming here from different planets, terrorist running amok, incompetent government officials, police officers, and everything that happens to Edo on a daily basis… squirrels are the last thing you should be worried about." Hiromasa tried to soothe her friend as she started to get the goods from the trunk. "Well. Let's get going before we are late."

Hiromasa started walking towards the dojo carrying a comically large basket filled with a variety of different bread pudding pan. The courtesan started after her for a few minutes, before picking up her own basket and running after her.

"Eh. Hiro's usually right about these things." Imako chased after her. "I am just a bit stressed because of work, and I am worried if they will like the Cornish hens." The courtesan shoved the squirrel from her mind.

The samurai would eventually come to learn to regret that thought. It would turn out that she had never been more wrong about anything.

Arriving at the dojo. Imako raced around, Hiromasa, was standing on the porch next to her, to knock on the door.

"Knock! Knock" Imako called in a sing songy voice. The paper door was impenitently slid open by a young woman with warm brown eyes, and a pink kimono.

"Welcome Imako-chan and nice to see you again Hiromasa-san." Tae greeted the other women, with a serene smile. "Please place it in the kitchen with the rest."

The courtesan nodded, Hiromasa followed dutifully behind her as she had no idea where she was going. This was the first time she has been at the Shimura's household. Imako on the other hand, had been there a handful of times.

The two hostesses grew to be friends, after working together for a period. It took Tae longer to warm up to Imako out of some petty jealousies, such as the Amanto had a much larger bust than she did. So, Tae often took it out on her, forcing the other girl to do all kinds of grunt work.

Tae had only warmed up to Imako beat the crap out of Kondo with her woven basket (A gift from one of Imako's clients. It was made from an impossibly strong wood, on a distant planet) Mistakenly, Tae thought the girl was defending her, since the Shinsengumi leader had taken up the habit of stalking her. Instead, Imako was paying him back for not only kidnapping her, but telling everyone she was sick.

After the stunt Kondo pulled, on Imako, as soon as she got too work, most her regular clients came with get well cards, and all kinds of weird medicines. Her boss even forced her to take more time off, and would not believe her when she said that she was not sick, and tried to explain what happened.

"We brought Cornish hens and bread pudding… Everyone's has been specifically made for their taste…" Imako announced heading into the living room.

It was a simple room, with a Japanese bird house Television in one corner. The cheap sofa and armchair that were usually there had been removed to make room for a large oval shaped table. Kneeling on the tatami mats were five people. Tae the host was at the head of the table. Next to her was a teenage boy about Imako's age. He had black hair and oval glasses, that looked exactly like Hiromasa's.

There was also a teenage girl, who might have been a bit younger. She wore a red Chinese dress that somehow did not clash with her vermillion hair.

There were also two grown men, but one would not have thought they were adults by their behavior. The closest was a man with white curly hair and the other was older with sun glasses. The silver haired samurai was picking his nose and wiping it into the Chinese girl's hair.

The girl did not notice because she was talking animatedly about the food with Tae. The other man was anxiously looking through a volume of Shonen Jump. He was muttering that he was glad he kept his current job long enough to catch up on it.

"Hiromasa, you've met Otae. That's her brother Shinpatchi. The man in the white Yukata is Gintoki-san. He's the owner of the Yoruzuya. The girl over there is Kagura. She's a part of the infamous Yato clan! Shinpatchi, and Kagura bother work for Gintoki-san." Imako made the introductions. "You might recognize Hasegawa-san. He used to work for the Immigration Department." Hiromasa nodded along.

The teenage samurai was trying to imprint their names and faces into her memories. She had a terrible memory. The odd thing was they all looked familiar. However, Hiromasa could not figure out why.

"And guys, this is Hiromasa-kun! She is a part of the Shinsengumi!" Everyone looked up at that. Gintoki, was especially unnerved that one of those tax thieves would be interrupting his celebration.

"You!" The Yoruzuya all yelled as they recognized the familiar round face before them. Hiromasa was not paying attention. She could feel the eyes on her as she straightened out her daisy yellow kimono.

Looking up with a glare, Hiromasa was about to ask what their problem was. Shinpatchi stood first and shouted, "You're the one who stole the last pair of glasses at Hon 'n' Mono!"

A Flashback played over Shinpatchi's head.

-Flashback-

 _One month or ago or so,_

 _Shopping district,_

 _Edo, Japan_

The weather was bleary. It rained on and off again all morning it kept raining. Gray clouds hung over all of Edo as if the gods themselves were glowering at the city's inhabitant. Thanks to the outside conditions most of the people, amanto, and humans, alike were staying inside trying to keep dry.

The only ones who dared venture outside, were the grumbling business men that had to go to a meeting, were the young children who snuck away from their mothers to go play in the puddles.

In the Kabuki district, the bored yato girl groaned as she spread out on the blue couch. "I wanted to take Sadaharu to the park today!" She whined, throwing her arm over her head.

Shinpatchi looked up from the other side of her where he was working diligently. There was a large book in front of him, glue sticks, and magazines all around him. The teenage boy was making a scrap book of Tsu Terrakada.

The mission of Terrakada Tsu warrior's, the fan club for the idol Tsu Terrakada that Shinpatchi was in charge of, for their next meeting was to present special presents for their Idol, as it was her birthday in a few weeks. Kagura's constant mumbling and groaning kept distracting him, and he kept writing what she was saying underneath the captions of the pictures. "Why don't you just go anyway? The rain has never hurt anyone." He narrowed his eyes at his friend then went back to work.

The poor boy never saw it coming. A dark aura cloud gathered around the Yato girl as she took Shinpatchi's head into the psalm of her hand and slammed it against the coffee table. "How can you say that! Everyone knows a woman is concerned about the rain because it will mess up their hair." Kagura declared.

There was silence for a few moments. Until the paper door slid out behind them. Gintoki emerged, rubbing his head. He had slept in late, because of the awful hangover that decided to split open his skull or at least it felt like it.

Yesterday, the Yorozuya had a job they helped a man who owned a brewery that made sake. As a reward, not only did they get paid handsomely, but they were also invited to spend the night at the bar there drinking on the house.

Shinpatchi, declined this. Kagura spent the night eating many of the delicious different cheeses, sausages, pickles, and cakes that were brought before her. Everything was modeled after a foreign country called "Germany" and the brewery/ bar was famous for its beer brats.

"You didn't even comb your hair this morning…" Gintoki pointed out, using his right index finger to point at Kagura's behead. "In fact, you didn't even get dressed today. Quit complaining, and go outside. And I could get some peace and quiet." The white-haired samurai muttered. "Kids these days. They don't understand how hard their mother works. Don't even have the decency to be quiet while mom is napp–"

"Your one to talk-aru!" Kagura who was once more on the couch leapt into the air and sent a kick towards Gintoki. "Have you looked in the mirror, perm head!" Unfortunately, Shinpatchi was in the way! Both Shinpatchi and Gintoki fell back into the wall with a got clenching thud!

"Hmph! You guys need to learn how to speak to a lady! This is why you will never have girlfriends!" Kagura glared at them, pulling on her ornamental buns. Turning towards the door she made a come-hither motion. "Come on, Sadaharu! Let's go get lunch. These losers can eat by themselves." The monstrously large dog, trotted after his owner wagging his tail.

"I can't get women because I have naturally curly hair! None of you can understand the pain of having naturally curly hair. If I could collect all seven dragon balls, I would have perfectly straight hair! But we don't live in such a wonderful world!"

The only answer to his rant was the slamming of the front door. "Bring some aspirin on your way back." The samurai patted the dust from his white yukata and retreated to the bathroom to tango with the toilet. His body was angry at him, for going past his limits once again.

Shinpatchi on the other hand remained on the floor for some time. Everything was split into two and he shook violently. 'Could Kagura's attack have been so strong to send me into some sort of different dimension?' He pondered that for a few moments, taking of his glasses to clean them. Both lenses were cracked down the middle. He was in the same dimension, but his glasses were broken. 'At least its only the lenses.' Shinpatchi had only formed that thought when the left side of the frame fell off.

Toddling down the stairs, and onto the street, Shinpatchi made is way unsteadily to Hon 'N' Mono. Fortunately for him it was only two or so blocks away from Otose's snack house the residence that is below the Yorozuya's "office"

The book store was located in a hanky back alley. But, its interior was well done. Not only that but they sold all kinds of things, not just books. They had a little café, a small clothing sections, and even art supplies from other planets.

In one of the back niches in the room. There is an eye doctor's office. It was pretty much an artsy person convenience store.

Near the cash register, there was a stand for glasses. If one is already a customer, the optometrist keeps extra prescription lenses for you on file. Soaking wet and shivering, Shinpatchi reached for the last pair of oval frames that were exactly like his at the same time another, quicker hand reached for them and grasped them.

Shinpatchi could see who it was since they were so close. It was a teenage boy… Maybe a girl but most likely a boy due to how they were dressed in a man's kimono. It Was ambiguous. The jaw was squareish, but feminine high cheek bones? It was a teenage samurai with a yellow and brown kimono and hakumas. They were wearing cracked glasses and had their hair tied in a braid.

The samurai looked at the other teenager, reaching for the glasses and walked away without a word. Shinpatchi stared after the stranger befuddled. Coming to his senses, he realized that was the last pair on the stand, so he went to confront the employee at the counter.

The optometrist was an old man with crazy salt and pepper hair, a white lab coat and swirly glasses. "I'm sorry, young man. But that was the last pair until our shipment comes in next Thursday."

"What?!" Shinpatchi bulked. He could not wait that long, he could not see anything unless it was five feet from his face. Any further than that and it was all blurred. How was he going to train? Or do anything for that matter?

A dark, gloom anime aura grew over the frazzled teen.

"Oh! Wait here we go! We do have one more set of frames you can use until we get yours ordered!" The optometrist who has disappeared under his desk pooped back up again. In his pale hand was a set of glasses.

To Gintoki's apprentice's horror they were hot pink and shaped like a cat's eye. Even worse, wants he walked back outside (which was sunny again) He caught a glimpse of himself in a rain puddle, the glued on fake gems sparkled.

Shinpatchi breathed into a paper back, hyperventilating at the memory. Kagura patted his back, which was meant to be comforting, but looked like it was causing the boy more pain. Gintoki's apprentice wince every time her head came down with a pat.

"It's not my fault. I reached them first." Hiromasa rolled her eyes 'Wearing silly glasses does not give someone PTSD.' She did not believe, it was okay for the straight man of this anime to be so melodramatic.

Kagura shook her head. "I think you must be mistaken though, aru." She shook her pale head. "This jerk, can't be your glasses thief. Because she's the candy bar robber!" The Yato accused! Pointing a stubby finger at the mahogany haired teen.

Everyone turned away from Shinpatchi who was loudly blowing his nose into a rag, to watch the memory cloud that appeared over Kagura's head.

Kagura's memory

1 year ago

Edo, Japan

It was a wonderful spring day. A few days before summer and everything had finally dreid up after that last typhoon.

A boy stood on grocery store parking lot with his jaw gaping almost on the pavement. Seiji Ichinomiya had just moved to Edo, with his parents and older brother and sister. His dad and older brother just got great jobs working for the Immigration Bureau. It turns out the last head had offended some Prince and was ordered to commit seppuku.

Which was awful for the former head but great for Seij's dad, Soryu, who got the position. His oldest brother, Yoichi was an apprentice there as well now. Ritsuko, Seiji's mom, and his older sister, Rini and his grandfather Ritsu were all thrilled. In fact, the only one who was upset was Seiji.

The young boy did not want to leave his friends behind at their home. He was moving to an entirely different neighborhood. His best friend Tohru, fist bumped him goodbye (Since boys do not hug other boys when they are twelve) on his last day before he had to get in the car to say good bye.

As soon as the Ichinomiya's got to their new home a spring typhoon started and they were stuck inside for three days. "See it's a sign." He mumbled to his mother who was stirring udon soup on the stove.

"Hush now. This happens every spring." She chided him, ruffling his black shaggy hair before turning back to her task. "Go play with the others. Supper will be ready shortly."

"Come on, champ. Come join the game." His father called from the living room.

"Yeah, you can help me beat Dad, Grandfather and Yoichi!" Rini giggled.

"As if!" Yoichi snorted, elbowing his sister.

"None of you whippersnapper can beat me. Do you have any idea how much experience I have at this game?" Ritsu wagged his long finger playfully.

Dejectedly Seiji stumbled back in to the bare living room. They still had not unpack everything yet so there was only the table, and a couch and many boxes scattered everywhere.

"Wait a minute! What does this have to do with a candy bar thief?" Gintoki flicked the back of Kagura's head "Stupid."

Kagura glowered at him, picking her nose. Before she could say anything in her defense another spoke up.

"Who's Seiji?" Hasegawa wondered, cleaning his sun glasses.

"Why do you know so much about his life?" Shinpatchi wanted to know.

"Let Kagura-chan finish her story" Tae hushed them.

"Thank you." The Yato girl grinned smugly before resuming her tale.

When the rain finally stooped, Seiji sighed. His mom and sister had gone out to run some errands. His dad was at work. The only one left besides him was his brother, who was texting some girl he had met at work, another fellow intern.

Flipping through the pages of Jump, Seiji turned to one of his favorites _Gintaman_! The boy could not believe that people thought _Gintaman_ was over rated. The plot was amazing. It was originally about these three slackers that took weird mystery cases, but then they got powers and there was a dragon who granted wishes! It was like his other favorite _Dragon Ball Z_.

Reading _Jump_ just was not as good as it usually was. "What's different this time?" Seiji sighed. He spent another half an hour or so flipping though it he was not paying attention to the manga. Releasing another sigh, he shut the book at stared at the ceiling.

Tap. Tap. Tap. "You know back in my day…" Ritsu Ichinomiya began speaking as he walked into Seiji's room. The boy sat up on his tatami mat with another sigh. Sometimes he loved his grandpa's stories. Other times he wished he could teleport away like the characters in _Gintaman._ As Ritsu came to sit down on the chair across from the tatami.

Seiji was waiting for his grandfather to tell him "You should be happy to have so much free time. Back in my day I had to spend all day milking the cow, or I had to walk seven miles to get to temple school all the while fighting off bandits."

His grandfather surprised him. "Seiji… Did I ever tell you about my time in service as a samurai to lord Takeda?" The old man had his cane resting on the side of his chair, as he unwrapped a piece of hard candy.

Seiji sat straight up, looking up at his grandpa. 'No!" His grandfather never spoke of his time as a samurai. After Ritsu married, Seiji's Grandmother, Aika and they had his father he stopped his work as a samurai, putting up his sword and began working as a farmer.

The old man chuckled noticing his grandson's intense interest. "Well the lord we worked for split us up into teams and units depending on what he needed. Kind of like what they did with ninjas. I guess he found it worked better for him. Anyway, I was new, and I was placed with the other new ones yet unfamiliar with the samurai life." Ritsu stroked his snowy beard, his brown eyes far away.

"Us young'uns did a lot of chores. Like taking care of the horses and such. It was boring work. We were all eager to begin fighting and other things! Our division all got along really well. One boy in my group in my particular, Kisaki, and I got along the best." He paused, noticing his candy had been dissolved by his saliva so Ritsu reached into the pocket of his thin hanten and pulled out another of the little colorful wrapped candies.

The man took his time unwrapping it. Seiji's fingers tapped against his knees frantically. The boy willed his grandfather too open it quicker. "As I was saying…" Seiji let go of his breath once his grandpa began his story again.

"One day while Kisaki and I were sparring, Lord Takeda had spotted us from his window and ordered me to me on a more advanced team. It was great overall, but I wanted to be with the others again. I spent he first few weeks only doing my work and spent the rest training by myself. I pouted, and kind of ignored everyone else. As you can imagine, I was distraught that I didn't get to see my friends very often. I was miserable, even though I was doing what I originally wanted."

"Then one day during supper, I noticed the men joking around about Lord Takeda's advisor. I said something, for the life of me I can't remember what it was. But I do remember they all burst into heavy laughter then stopped with this awful look on their face like they had spotted a ghost. And you had better believe my timing, the advisor was right behind me. I was given extra chores for a month! It was worth it though. That night I had made up some great new friends!"

Ritsu took a breath, coming back to the present. He studied his grandson who was watching his cane with pensive eyes. "Did you get the lesson of my story?'

The boy nodded. "Even though it was a great opportunity you were unhappy because you chose to be. Then when you lightened up and allowed yourself to make friends again you had a much better time?"

Ritsu smiled at his grandson, revealing his shiny dentures. "Righto, Seiji." He tossed the boy one of the candies from his pocket. "So, do you know what you should do now?"

Seiji nodded once more and sprung to his feet. "I should go out and make friends! Then I will enjoy Jump again!" He raised out the door. "Thanks Grandpa!" He called on his way out. Ritsu sat for a little longer before making his way to the TV in the living room.

"Two birds with one stone." He smiled, sitting in the big overstuffed chair to watch his favorite drama. He was happy to have helped his grandson, and he got the kid to stop sighing. Ritsu could not enjoy _Hours of our lives_ with loud sighs coming from down the hall every five minutes.

Following his Grandfather's advice, Seiji decided to go to the park. That was where he would most likely find kids his own age, on such a nice day. As luck would have it he was right. There was a group of five other boys and two girls playing by the pound. All of them had pebbles in their hand and they would take turn throwing it in the water.

It was a contest to see who could throw it the furthest. "Hi! Can I join you?" He ran to join them, tripping over his own feet. The kids all nodded besides one of the girls. She was pale and had pinkish red hair, and was holding an umbrella… despite there not being a cloud in the sky. 'She's from the main land…' Seiji thought. "I've never met a girl from china before…' he noticed her outfit.

"I'm Kagura." The girl stuck out her hand.

"Seiji.. Nice to meet you."

The kids spent the better half of the afternoon seeing who could throw the furthest. The boy with the traditional samurai cut, Daigorou, was winning so far. Seiji noticed Kagura never once took a turn. "Why don't you go? Or is it because your scared you'll suck at it because you're a girl?"

"As if." Kagura stopped picking her nose and wiped it on the tree. "I was giving you guys a chance to win."

"Uh huh." Seiji muttered.

The china girl pointed to a giant bolder that was on the hill. "I could throw that across easily." She smirked.

The other kids watched their interactions curiously. The other children had already each learned their own lessons about underestimating their dried seaweed loving friend.

Seiji reached into his pocket and pulled out five dollars' worth of yen, and the piece of candy his grandpa gave him. "I'll give you this if you can throw the giant rock as far as you say you can!" Seiji sneered.

If he had been looking into Kagura's blue eyes he might have changed his mind quickly. The thrill of the challenge lit them up. Marching up the hill she leant down and tried to grasp the base of the small boulder. It was too big for her to wrap her arms around the whole thing.

Seiji waited for a few heartbeats for her to give up. There was no way anyone could lift such a big thing. Let alone a little girl. This utter astonishment once Kagura go a good grip she lifted the thing into the air as if it were a pencil and tossed it through the air towards the lake. It soared over the rest of the kids' heads—who all ducked and tried to scurry away in case the boulder would fall on them. In an instant, the boulder skipped across the water making large splashes as it jumped!

Seiji picked his jaw off the grass, as Kagura pranced over to collect her winnings.

"Okay? But what does that have to do with the candy bar?" The perm haired samurai demanded.

"Let her get to it, Gintoki- kun." Imako patted his hand, eager for Kagura to continue. The Amanto hostess had always been curious and loved stories… some would say she was just nosy.

Hiromasa studied her nails. 'Does this story have a point behind it?' Silently, the Shinsengumi member pleaded for the conclusion of this tale. 'Ugh. I'm hungry.'

It was now late afternoon, and the other kids had to go home. Kagura searched for a treat with her earnings. It had been a while since Gin-san had paid her for her hard efforts at Odd jobs so she had not had a treat in a while. Thankfully, with the money she had gotten from that sucker she can now once more afford dried seaweed.

Our stories heroine was greatly displeased to find her favorite stand was closed for the day. The note on the wooden bored read:

Sorry for the inconvenience. My wife went into labor just now, I have to go to the hospital. I'm gonna be a dad! Will be open tomorrow afternoon; my cousin is coming up to work for a bit. Thanks.

–Fujimoto Kunihiko

Kagura rolled her eyes. This stand was the only one to make chocolate covered dried seaweed, and she was really craving chocolate. "Hon 'N' Mono has started importing Pidgeonchocolate bars! Their supposed to be the best candy in the universe." Aki told the other kids earlier that afternoon.

Upon reaching the shop, she found the candy section and looked around eagerly for that kind. Finding none she asked a shop lady stocking licorice onto a shelf she asked about the _Pidgeon_ chocolate. "Oh, that young lady over there just bought the last one."

Kagura turned just in time to see a teenager in a yellow kimono and hakumas sweep out of the store holding the precious _Pidgeon_ bar. Tears welled up in the china girl's eyes as she watched the amazing chocolate get further and further away from her.

That trend continued every time Kagura had pocket change. The Yato would always arrive at the shop to find that same samurai walking away with the precious chocolate.

Hiromasa wrinkled her forehead. "I didn't steal it–" the girl did not have time to defend herself as Gintoki jumped to his feet and started shouting the next string of accusations.

"You're both wrong! She is neither the glasses nor the chocolate stealer! She's my other stalker!"

The Shinsengumi girl was very done with all of them at this point. She threw up her hands and resigned herself to listening to another ridiculous story.

"What do you mean Gin-san?" Hasegawa wanted to know.

"It all started in one of the first episodes, "Make Friends You Can Call by Their Nicknames, Even When You're an Old Fart." She was there with the tax thieves! I saw her talking to the mayo-freak!" He nodded sagely. "Then I saw her again on the bridge when I fought her stalker." Gintoki gave a nod in Tae's direction.

"I've seen her multiple times through ought the years. The only time I ever spoke to her was the Sakura viewing festival. And most recently I saw her… After I was hired to reroof the Shinsengumi's headquarters."

The Shinsengumi could not afford to hire a professional because they blew their repair budget for the month on hiring the famous painter, Michelangelo, to paint a mural of themselves in the barracks. "It was to inspire inspiration! Amongst the troops." At least that's what Kondo, and the others said.

Hiromasa rolled her eyes at all of the antics. If she knew she was going to have to deal with this ridiculous stuff she just would have stayed at home.

An animated light bulb appeared above the silver samurai's head. "I see it all makes sense now." The samurai was posed in the "thinking" position with one leg crossed over the other and his hand resting on his chin.

Hiromasa smiled. "Your smarter than I gave you credit for." She let out the breath she had not realized she had been holding. The Shinsengumi officer assumed the silver haired samurai was a giant moron, just like most of the others in Edo.

Gintoki's face blanched in horror as he jumped to his feet. The wooden sword pointing towards her, it would have been threatening, if his hand was not shaking so badly. "You stole candy from a little girl and stole a boy's soul because of your sick fascination with me!"

Everyone ignored Shinpatchi's mumbling. 'Why does everyone think that my glasses are the real part of my soul?' He wanted to know. "There are plenty of other characters here with glasses in this anime! Sa-chan,

It dawned on Hiromasa that she had spoken to soon. Face psalming herself, it took everything she had not to use her authority to arrest the idiot for false accusations. Hiromasa rarely even admitted to being a part of the Shinsengumi, but even she had to admit it had perks for dealing with morons like this. Besides, she came here to have a good time and not to be yelled at for completely unrealistic accusations. Especially when if they had the slightest bit of common sense they could have figured it out for themselves.

"I am not you damned stalker! Why would I want to stalk anyone? What would be the point? I have better things to do with my free time! Like reading! Or drawing! Heck, even fishing is better than stalking. There is not anyone worth stalking anyway!" Hiromasa threw her hands into the air.

 _Clink._ Seemingly out of nowhere a pair of red square glasses fell onto the dining room table. The room's occupants looked up in time to see part of the ceiling peel back and reveal a strange lavender figure lurking up there.

Losing her balance, the figure fell off the ceiling gracelessly and plopped on the floor. "That's not true at all!" It was a slender woman with long lavender hair. "There are lots of reasons for stalking. How else are going to make sure your lover isn't trying to stick his spoons into someone else's pot."

Sarutobi Ayame, or Sa-chan as she prefers, pressed bosom into Gintoki's face, still not wearing her glasses. "Not that Gin-sama would ever feel the need to seeks out some other pot to stir, when I'm around." The S-class ninja then proceeded to murmur some more sultry words and promises that are entirely too inappropriate for the young ears around.

" It's time to toss that pot back in the garbage where it belongs!" Gintoki, brought down a wooden spoon on Sa-chan's head.

The ninja was suffocating Hasegawa, whom she thought to be Gintoki, with her terrible eye sight, with her large bossom pressed up against his face. Hasegawa's nose was squirting massive amounts of blood from his nose. He cleaned himself up with a tissue after Sa-chan went sailing out open window.

 _Creak._ The sliding book shelf in the living room slid open revealing a would be handsome man (his personality ruins his good looks entirely) with a goatee. "I have to agree the assassin, sweetie pie." Isao Kondo nodded sagely. "There are lots of reasons for stalking. One of the main ones is that how else c one be expected to pursue love!"

The Shinsengumi commander was drug out of the cabinet by an enraged Tae. "You are not pursuing anything, but pain."

"A real man is willing to suffer for love is that's what it takes." Kondo exclaimed boldly. Or his efforts he too was tossed out of the window.

Imako thinks they must have landed somewhere by the garden. The hostess was concerned that the stalkers might have broken some of the pumpkins she had growing there. Her apartment did o have much of a yard, so in return for some of the pumpkins, Tae agreed to let her grow them on her property.

The Amanto hostess did not have time to check though because at that very moment another samurai burst through the doors. On first glance it was a handsome, although short, young man. He had a sight build, over which he wore a blue kimono, pants and a long white coat. The samurai also had long black hair that was tied in a ponytail. Clad in black boots with a sword handle at his waste, he looked like he could go into battle at any moment.

The most interesting aspect about him, was the black eye patch covering his left eye. He was handsome but not over masculine. His jaw line, was sharp but also feminine. The samurai's hips were also just a little too wide for most boys. Not that anyone would dare tell Yagyuu Kyuubei that he was a pretty boy.

Behind him was a taller man, maybe in his mid-thirties with shoulder length straw blonde hair and a fox like expression. Tojou Ayume's beige kimono sleeves were wrapped around a large dark blue pot of some sort.

"Kyuu-chan!" Tae greeted her best friends, running to hug the young man. He accepted the hug, his pale cheeks tinting a slight pink.

"I brought Vindaloo pork." Kyuubei smirked, knowing that Tae was quite fond of it.

"Yes, it's a specialty of the Yagyuu clan massed down for generations! The young master has finally learned how to make it." Tojou beamed with pride as he carried the pot into the kitchen. The leaving quickly, lest he be late for the feast at Yagyuu household.

"Hiromasa-san, this is Kyuubei-chan! She's head of the Yagyuu clan." Tae introduced the two of them, turning to the Shinsengumi officer.

Hiromasa bowed. "Yes. I know. The Yagyuu clan is well known through the ranks." She smiled politely, offering her hand to shake the other girls. 'I never realized the heir was a girl? That's strange… I thought the Yagyuu clan were very strict to tradition.' Hiromasa wondered but had enough manners not to ask aloud. Well, it was more so that she did not care enough to inquire further about it.

From beside Hiromasa, Imako blinked rapidly. The hot samurai was really a girl? He/ she had never done anything give off the impression of being a girl. Imako had met Kyuubei twice before at Snack Smile, she was Tae's client. 'That's too bad. He's… No, she's cute, rich and strong…' The Amanto hostess shook her head with a sad smile.

Kyuubei and Hiromasa were still doing pleasantries when a low rumbling that could be heard across the room accompanied a young girl's whine. "When are we going to eat, boss lady?" Kagura tugged on Tae's sleeve.

"You must be pretty hungry Kagura-chan!" Shinpatchi gave her a side long glance he had never heard her stomach growl so loudly before.

Flushed as red as his kimono, Hasegawa rubbed the back of his neck. "Actually, that was me. I haven't been paid for my new job yet.. So.. I couldn't afford breakfast." Hasegawa, was a Madou, a middle aged, Dumb ass oldie, or in other words a man in the middle of his life that has either accomplished nothing or has lost everything for a stupid reason.

Hasegawa Taizou's life was reminiscent of an American country song. He was born a low-class samurai and he somehow had the luck to marry a bureaucrat's daughter and landed a great job at immigration bureau but thanks to some hijinks involving an idiotic alien prince, odd jobs Gin, and misfortune he ended up losing it and his wife left him.

Not that Hiromasa knew any of that, she just knew him as what the local kids called him 'King of the park' where he often stayed, thanks to being unable to find a job and was often homeless. Not that Hiromasa knew him just because of that. Being a large city, especially a capital of a country, there was a decent size homeless population. The Shinsengumi officer noted that the homeless population of late seemed to have been growing. Hiromasa only knew the former Immigration officer because of his old job, and his frequent association with Odd Jobs Gin and the likes.

Tae, smiled. "Why don't we all settle in to eat then. We don't want it to get cold." The head of the Shimura household instructed everyone the food was lined up buffet style, just go in and grab a plate.

Lined up on the counter was a large spread of food equally as diverse as the people who brought it. Tae had taken the liberty of placing a note card in front of the dish and who brought it. She had seen it done at one of the western styles smorgasbord that Kyuubei had brought her to once, for one of her birthdays before Kyuubei had went off for training. Even though that had been many years ago, it was one of Tae's fondest memories.

The first dish was A plain wooden bowl, that said: Takeshi near the base. The card read: White Rice (Madou). Hasegawa had clearly borrowed the bowl from someone named Takeshi and had forgotten to return it. The rice was from one of his former jobs working as a farm hand on a rice farm. He had been fired from that One a few days before he got his apple sales job. One of the other farm hands had fainted at seeing what Hasegawa looked like without his sunglasses. Turns out he had a phobia of middle aged men. The other two workers had to carry him to the hospital. Being unable to do the work by himself, he ran to get help and found the Yorozuya. Unfortunately, odd jobs ended up getting into a mud fight with each other and ruined the crops. His boss, farmer Basho came out to check on the progress and was immediately hit in the face with a mudball the size of a bear that Kagura intended for Gintoki, after he rubbed some in her hair. Hasegawa was fired on the spot. For once Hasegawa's luck was not too bad, even though he was fired. He was already allowed to take home a bunch of rice, yesterday. As a result, he now had a couple years-worth to last him.

The next dish was a mysterious dark matter with an ominous aura emitting from it. If not for the little white card that read: Egg Foo Young (Tae) None of the guests, aside from her and, Kyuubei (somehow) would never have known what it was. Everyone aside from those two and Kondo avoided that dish like the plague. As beautiful and strong as Tae Shimura was she was Justas bad of a cook. Not that she thought so, and it would be unwise to tell her so. Unless you wanted to be black and blue and bruised all over, of course.

The next dish was an ornamental pot designed with the Yagyuu family crest. Inside was cubed slices of tender pork covered in a dark red sauce that bubbled and hissed like molten lava. The card read: Vindaloo Pork (Kyuu-chan) Gintoki knelt down to give it a cautious sniff before his head jolted back up, his face red and small amounts of flame blowing from his nose. "Too spicy!" He coughed turning his head back trying to breath. It didn't work, the scent stayed with him being unable to take it he ran through the paper doors and burst outside. At a dead sprint, he made it to the Koi pound in the back yard. The samurai was posed on his knees with his rump in the air, as he thrust his head into the chilled water. The poor befuddled fish looked at him confused before swimming on. "Another dish to avoid…" most of the guest took notice of.

Hiromasa was not surprised to see the fancy sake on the table. For a normal person, it might have cost almost an entire paycheck or two. Not for the commander of the Shinsengumi. Even though Kondo was not invited, he still brought drinks. There were also a couple packs of Ramune on the table, for those who did not drink alcohol. The gorilla samurai and taken a white index card and wrote: Drinks- Sake and Ramune (Kondo) in a green crayon. Some had taken a blue crayon crossed out his name and wrote Gorilla Tax Thief. Shinpatchi noticed that it looked suspiciously like Gintoki's hand writing. He simply shrugged and went back to filling his plate after grabbing a plume flavored Ramune.

One dish stood out of the crowed. It was a painted clay bowl that looked like Gintoki. The lid was even shaped like his hair. On the card, it read: Natto (Sa-chan). Even though she also was not invited to the shindig, Sa-chan had enough manners to remember to bring a dish to pass. She also wanted to show off the bowl she made on a mission to assassinate a pottery instructor who was an illegal arms dealer in his spare time. Inside it was a dark red, sticky fermented bean paste. Sa-chan's favorite food, and a regular weapon of hers–it was perfect for embolizing enemies. The dish was also good for topping off rice. The heir of the Yagyuu clan instead topped off the large mound of dark matter egg foo young on Kyuubei's plate.

On a simple plastic platter that was supposed to be used to bring out alcohol to customers at Otose's bar, that might have been borrowed with-out permission was a cute little display. The card read: Handmade sushi rolls (Kagura-chan). The rolls were made from seaweed collected and dried by Kagura. They were made with sticky rice, mini pickles, imitation crab, and sliced carrots. E platter was filled sky high and there was a box more in the back. The yato wanted to be certain that there would be enough for her. She placed a roll the size of her arm on her plate, before sitting down at the table.

Sa-can and Kondo were having a heated debate over the metal cauldron, that kept its contents warmed. The card in front of it read (Miso Soup: Shin-chan) "There is no way! Your wrong Akane would never leave Kyoya for Chigusa." Kondo shook his head vigorously as he poured the brown liquid into a bowl. "This is the final season of Hours of our lives. The directors might pull it if it would make it more interesting." Sa-chan argued. "Frankly, if I wanted to ensure another season I would have Chigusa return even though he has supposedly been lost at sea. He could come up behind Akane and *&6% Akane until Kyoya would hear something from downstairs and come in and investigate and find Akane and Chiguasa doing ^*$)7 ^l*6s and join them. At the end one of them i8R3(9A^3#D Akane and the audience is left unsure who it was."

"That sounds like a good way to get it canceled for good and have a large law suit on your hand. Hours of our lives comes on at 3pm. Sure it covers adult topics but that was going too far. You are going to have a line of law suits from angry PTA moms." Shinpatchi muttered, having overheard their conversation as he went to take a seat between Kagura and his sister.

The main entry was the next to last dish. The card read: Cornish Hens (Imako-san). Instead of a regular dish like the others. Inside the basket was several separately wrapped small birds each stuffed with the person's preferred filling. Aside from the extra ones she brought along, just in case some unexpected people showed up those just had turkey stuffing inside.

The last dish was the desert made by Hiromasa, her specialty, and the only thing she ever actually bothers to make bread pudding. She brought three along: peaches and cream, blueberry, and a traditional raisin and cinnamon.

Everyone was seated at the table. Kagura was trying to steal Gintoki's second slice of peach pudding. Gintoki kept slapping her hand away with his chop stick. Kondo and Shinpatchi were animatedly talking about different sword styles. "I hear Katou Ken is going to be the guest on Tangoing with the stars." Tae tells an interested Kyuubei, Hasegawa and Imako. In the corner Sa-chan and Hiromasa, are going over the best way to kill a man with a leaf of notebook paper.

It had been a long time since the Shimura household had been this filled with happiness and laughter. Now that it even the dingy wooden structure seemed a little bit brighter.

Author's note:

*That is not a mistake. On the red carpet, they ask you who you are wearing. It's trendy I guess.

Since Hiromasa's now Kondo's kid, Matsudaira considers her a niece which would make his daughter Kuriko Hiromasa's cousin.

About the boarding school I had Kuriko go to: Well, Institut Le Rosey is a fancy boarding school in Switzerland. Chiizu means cheese in Japanese according to google and Kuni means foeighn land. So Foreign land of cheese. So cheese, swiss, yeah, you get it.

*Graham Cracker award was a play on the award known as Grammys.

And lots more that I am not going to list, unless you ask about it😊

Bonus part:

After the commander of the Shinsengumi reappeared inside. Hiromasa scowled at him. "What do you think you are doing here?"

"I am not sure what you mean, Hiromasa-chan? I am only visiting your future step mom. Sam as you…"

Strawberry milk spurts from Gintoki's mouth. It was clear that he was listening in on their conversation. "That's disgusting! You're paying her to live out some sort of creepy age play thing with this woman?"

Everyone just kind of stares at Gintoki in confusion. They were all in their own little bubbles, until they heard that shouted across the room.

"What! No. Are you kidding me? Okay final explanation. He's my dad. I don't stalk you! Whenever you always see me it is because you are involved with the Shinsengumi, and I get dragged into the Shinsengumi messes." Hiromasa explained through gritted teeth.

"Wait!" He points at Kondo then he points at Hiromasa. Then back again. An image of a equation appears above his head. A gorilla plus question mark equals chibi Hiromasa. "Who would want to do the horizontal tango with a gorilla?" Gintoki wanted to know, then regretted it the moment it passed from his lips. The samurai was positive the answer would disturb him.

"I adopted her." Kondo exclaims proudly.

It then goes into a flash back of the prologue at how Hiromasa Shinsengumi came to be. Hasegawa nods along wisely. "I figured as much. Your parents were researchers in the Jungle, but they were eaten by a leopard. You miraculously survived at was adopted by a gorilla."

"That's the plot of Tarzan, moron!" Before Hiromasa could draw her sword to cut the idiot into quarter pieces, Shinpatchi sprang forward to stand between them like a human shield. "Cu it out guys! This chapter has already gone on for twenty-five pages!"

"It's the authors fault for writing five hundred pages just describing food. I barley even got any line in." Muttered Gintoki.

"You? I have only gotten two scenes. I get more screen time in the actual anime? That's saying something." Tae fake smiled, and anime irriation mark above her eyebrow.

Out of nowhere a pre-teen (in appearance) girl in suspenders and a blue tunic appears. "Sorry about that. I haven't posted for so long I got carried away. Forgive me, Gin-kun?" and the author of the fanfiction, then bribed him with a large parfait aand the others expensive icecream as the scene goes black.


End file.
